I seriously think I’m going to lose a fren very soon…
Someone with whom I was once very comfortable, not bothering to hide my innermost thoughts, my mood, etc – simply because I thought we have reached that stage of mutual understanding, empathy, what have you…
But I guess I was wrong. I was naïve enough to assume that people do not keep brownie points so long if you treat each other as true friends, or 所谓的生死之交。
It did not help the situation further when a series of misunderstandings (to me) just happened one after another.
1) This fren lashed at me one fine day – in sharing that she felt that I do not value her friendship as much as she values mine. She felt that I was treating her more as a substitute fren instead of a close one.
One of the examples she quoted was that each time she asked me to go on trips with her, I would tell her I’m financially tight – but a few months down the road, she would hear from me that I’m preparing for trips to KL, BKK, HK and Taipei… So she drew her own conclusion that I’m not at all interested to go on trips with her.
Even after trying hard to explain that it’s really the time factor -- plus the fact that the few frens, with whom I went abroad, always give me advance serious notice for to me chalk up enough $$ -- she just brushed it off with a “OK, whatever…”. I knew from her tone that she was thinking that this was just my excuse, and so I tried to “analyse” the whole thing to her again… But it became a case of 越描越黑 and I decided to stop.
2) She recommended me to buy a black hook belt and the first day I wore it (it was a Monday), I realised that the belt was not able to sit well on my hips and worse, it would somehow auto-loosen itself, dropping to my butt and all the way down…
So I sent a sms to her letting her know my situation. Her sms reply caught me by surprise. She claimed that I should not send such a sms to her on an early blue Monday morning… She does not own the shop which sold the belt and she does not know what to do. It must be a case of which I did not wrap the belt around my hips properly…
I swore from the bottom of my heart it was an innocent sms from my side. In fact, I was not even expecting a reply from her… I did not have any intention or agenda to blame her for the purchase but simply just wanted to tell her that the belt would not stay. Besides, sometimes, she would also sms me to tell me such things too! So until today, I still do not understand why my sms had triggered such a violent reaction from her…
3) She’s usually late each time we arrange for coffee, dinner, tea, shopping, etc, to a point that I would automatically just arrive a few minutes later than the agreed time. On a couple of occasions when I was later than her, I could sense that she was kind of displeased… But I brushed it aside thinking that it was just me being over-sensitive, stupidly assuming “Why would she be unhappy since she always lets me wait most of the time and I was late just for a few occasions?”
We recently arranged to meet. The 45-min wait for her made me super drowsy… It might be because I only had a couple of hours of sleep the night before, plus the super hot weather… Even after gulping down two cups of iced coffee during the wait did no wonders… And so, after shopping for 1-2 hours, I became rather tired and I guessed it showed on my face.
She asked why my face was black, and I told her no, it’s more of a “sian” and tired face… She smiled, nodded, and I assumed she understood…
We walked from Far East to Robinsons (the places she wanted to go), and then back-tracked from Robinsons to Taka, because she wanted to check out some watches … On our stroll to Taka, I just innocently commented, “So silly of us… We walked down to Robinsons from Far East.. and now we are walking back to Taka… Should have gone to Taka just now first, hor?…” She smiled, nodded and I assumed she agreed…
Then she wanted to buy some make up remover, which she said that she could get it from any pharmacy or Watsons… But after she viewed the products at Watsons in Wisma, she decided not to buy and said she would go back to Robinsons to get it, since it’s so much cheaper there… I knew she meant to get it another day, but I just commented that she could have gotten it just now when we were at Robinsons… and I added something which, in retrospect, I should not have said, “Why didn’t you try to plan a bit your shopping route next time, so that you can get all your stuff and not having to make a few trips?”, to which I reckoned she was offended and retorted “Why should I plan my shopping route? Shopping’s supposed to be a leisurely activity…”
Before we parted, I asked her when she was planning to take leave so that I can coincide my leave with her, since she suggested taking one-day leave to go shopping for CNY clothes. Her response caught me totally off guard again.
“No need to lar… You seem to be always tired whenever I meet you for shopping. Then you show your black face, in your words, your “sian” and tired face, which does not make it conducive for shopping at all! And this is not the first time… You are always like that!”
She concluded with what I thought a tinge of sarcasm, “Let’s just wait till the day when you will not feel tired, then we arrange, ya?”
Things were made worse when my colleagues called to ask me to join them for a singing session. I told them I was tired and would give it a miss – but their continuous “yakking” made me give in and I agreed to go but would just stay for a while…
I knew what she would be thinking… that my tiredness was a lie, because if I was tired, I wouldn’t meet my colleagues at all… Truth was I thought it would not hurt to just show my face for a while before heading home… Plus for those who know me well, you would know that I’m the kind of person when if you start “yakking”/nagging at me non-stop, I would relent 99 per cent of the time…
Sigh…It did not used to be like that… She used to be one of my best shopping kakis and close frens.
I seriously do not have a single clue what went wrong during the course of our friendship. Maybe I was too direct with my words, maybe I should appear perky each time I meet her, maybe I am too self-centred and I have to learn to be more sensitive, maybe… …
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Celebration 2
Cele surprise with colleagues on Nov 29
My colleagues started asking me about my birthday plans 2-3 weeks before the actual day. Simply becos they would never forget that they tried to ask me out for dinner last year, and I told them I couldn't join them cos I'm meeting my frens for my bdae cele... And so, the joke now is my bdae cele is as MAJOR as Chinese New Year, cos I celebrate 15 days... heee...
Anyway, it was supposed to be a catching up session with an ex-colleague. And so, I did not suspect anything, since I thought we agreed to cele my bdae after we all return from Vietnam... The funny thing was - when we were on our way there, my boss carried a big bag (my cake inside).. and I still asked her why she had to choose that day to bring a big bag home and it din seem like her to do such things... I even peeped inside the bag.. but it din looked anything like a cake box to me...
During dinner, one colleague suddenly became flustered and pulled me out, saying she needed to go to toilet cos she suspected she might have stained her skirt and wanted me to go with her... Although I thought the behaviour was not like her at all, I still did not suspect anything... I'm such a goon, right? hahhaa
And so, this birthday cake was a complete surprise! It was good... Not too sweet raspberry chocolate cake! From one of our vendors! heee...
Surprise 2: Another colleague hid a pressie underneath my table on Nov 30...
Surprise 3: Someone said this of me before... that I am easily touched by the little little things people do... Well, what's wrong with that anyway?
My handphone rang whole morning on Dec 1 with all the well-wishes smses - from colleagues, friends and most importantly, my good fren who's now in US... Can't wait for her to come back... And also, some friends with whom I din really stay in touch during the year... Even my ex-tuition kid msg-ed me! (nah... Jo, you have your one-second fame... heee) I'm truly touched....honest...
Some of the little gifts from my pals...
The puffies' celebration
And the puffies are not done with my cele yet... hee...
My colleagues started asking me about my birthday plans 2-3 weeks before the actual day. Simply becos they would never forget that they tried to ask me out for dinner last year, and I told them I couldn't join them cos I'm meeting my frens for my bdae cele... And so, the joke now is my bdae cele is as MAJOR as Chinese New Year, cos I celebrate 15 days... heee...
Anyway, it was supposed to be a catching up session with an ex-colleague. And so, I did not suspect anything, since I thought we agreed to cele my bdae after we all return from Vietnam... The funny thing was - when we were on our way there, my boss carried a big bag (my cake inside).. and I still asked her why she had to choose that day to bring a big bag home and it din seem like her to do such things... I even peeped inside the bag.. but it din looked anything like a cake box to me...
During dinner, one colleague suddenly became flustered and pulled me out, saying she needed to go to toilet cos she suspected she might have stained her skirt and wanted me to go with her... Although I thought the behaviour was not like her at all, I still did not suspect anything... I'm such a goon, right? hahhaa
And so, this birthday cake was a complete surprise! It was good... Not too sweet raspberry chocolate cake! From one of our vendors! heee...
Surprise 2: Another colleague hid a pressie underneath my table on Nov 30...
Surprise 3: Someone said this of me before... that I am easily touched by the little little things people do... Well, what's wrong with that anyway?
My handphone rang whole morning on Dec 1 with all the well-wishes smses - from colleagues, friends and most importantly, my good fren who's now in US... Can't wait for her to come back... And also, some friends with whom I din really stay in touch during the year... Even my ex-tuition kid msg-ed me! (nah... Jo, you have your one-second fame... heee) I'm truly touched....honest...
Some of the little gifts from my pals...
The puffies' celebration
And the puffies are not done with my cele yet... hee...
Celebration 1 - I'm getting fat(ter) from all the cakes!
Which cake is the prettiest? heee
Cake Number 1 (A complete surprise from my colleagues and ex-colleague!)
Cake Number 2 (A very sweet gesture from my baby brother)
Cake Number 3 (Who else but from the puffies whose mission is to save the world before bedtime? - Isn't Bubbles so darn cute?!)
Cake Number 1 (A complete surprise from my colleagues and ex-colleague!)
Cake Number 2 (A very sweet gesture from my baby brother)
Cake Number 3 (Who else but from the puffies whose mission is to save the world before bedtime? - Isn't Bubbles so darn cute?!)
Saturday, November 10, 2007
It's mid-November 2007 already...
Lazy evening at Cafe Domus - November 3, 2007
A little cafe tucked along a stretch of "shophouses" in Little India - away from the hustle and bustle of town...
Appetizing nibbles, cool beer, an oriental photo backdrop (which we did not understand what it was doing there; nonetheless, it got the two vainpots happily posing for photos), a romantic courtyard...
Some say we look like real sisters... what do you say?
Mambo@Zouk on November 7
It was disappointing because the music was not retro enough! Defeated my purpose of going there... Plus, I had 2-3 other groups of friends who planned to join me at a later time, but gave up meeting me as they could not get in at all. The irony was - I was not even able to squeeze my way out just to say "Harlow" to them...
Felt so bad having them make the trip. It all started innocently with me telling my frens that I might want to go Mambo... Everyone's instantaneous responses then were along the lines of "Go there to mix with the kids? No way!" or "You are kidding right? We are too old for that!"
But voila!
On that day, everyone "miraculously" contacted me that day and asked me if I was really planning to go... and said that they would go down to join me...
Ahhh... see? Everyone is indulging in reminiscence of the goodie ole days... Those were the days...
Anyway, that night was just madness, madness and more madness! The place was packed like sardines. There was no place to move/dance at all. If you even tried to move an inch, please rub shoulders, bums, chests, etc, etc, with everyone... Gross... The queues were still so long at 1 plus...
但是，那晚至少有一件稍微值得开心的事。我和我的华初姐妹约了另一个我们在读书时期蛮“要好”的朋友。很奇怪- 在见到他的几分钟之前，我们几个其实蛮紧张的。毕竟，我们已有至少五年多没联络了。只是有一天吃饭时，闲聊之中提起他,就心血来潮的发了简讯给他, 问问他近况如何和是否要出来叙叙旧。
其实，我们只是抱着问问看的心情，心想也许他会怀疑我们是否有什么目的；多年来根本丝毫一点联络都没有，莫名其妙地就问人家要不要出来吃饭，不吓坏人才怪！怎料,他豪爽地一口就答应了！
就这样，那晚好像就回到以前读书的时候。话匣子一打开，我们就噼里啪啦地有说有笑。 他说我们一点也没变 – 我还是当中最chee-na 的一个，英文水平在我们当中最差的一个，说英文时有时还因为发音不标准而闹出笑话。美荧还是一样地用某种口吻提起她的妈妈。惠群。。。 啊！好像没说到惠群变了没...
Anyway, the point is after so many years, he seems to be the most financially successful among the few of us... While we are still seemingly struggling to "make ends meet", our dear friend here owns a SLK, a prada phone, amongst others...
AND - as usual, I was the ignorant one and innocently asked what a SLK is... "A SLK can buy me three to four Hondas..." was the answer given to me... Woah - imagine how my jaw dropped...
It became the hottest conversation (**read 'gossip') topic among the three of us the following day... But whatever the case, we are happy for him that he's doing very well now. We also agreed that the three of us seriously needed to review and re-chart our priorities again so that we are able to own/wear all branded stuff from head to toe, from inner to outer wear by the time we hit the big "3"!!! Gosh...
A little cafe tucked along a stretch of "shophouses" in Little India - away from the hustle and bustle of town...
Appetizing nibbles, cool beer, an oriental photo backdrop (which we did not understand what it was doing there; nonetheless, it got the two vainpots happily posing for photos), a romantic courtyard...
Some say we look like real sisters... what do you say?
Mambo@Zouk on November 7
It was disappointing because the music was not retro enough! Defeated my purpose of going there... Plus, I had 2-3 other groups of friends who planned to join me at a later time, but gave up meeting me as they could not get in at all. The irony was - I was not even able to squeeze my way out just to say "Harlow" to them...
Felt so bad having them make the trip. It all started innocently with me telling my frens that I might want to go Mambo... Everyone's instantaneous responses then were along the lines of "Go there to mix with the kids? No way!" or "You are kidding right? We are too old for that!"
But voila!
On that day, everyone "miraculously" contacted me that day and asked me if I was really planning to go... and said that they would go down to join me...
Ahhh... see? Everyone is indulging in reminiscence of the goodie ole days... Those were the days...
Anyway, that night was just madness, madness and more madness! The place was packed like sardines. There was no place to move/dance at all. If you even tried to move an inch, please rub shoulders, bums, chests, etc, etc, with everyone... Gross... The queues were still so long at 1 plus...
但是，那晚至少有一件稍微值得开心的事。我和我的华初姐妹约了另一个我们在读书时期蛮“要好”的朋友。很奇怪- 在见到他的几分钟之前，我们几个其实蛮紧张的。毕竟，我们已有至少五年多没联络了。只是有一天吃饭时，闲聊之中提起他,就心血来潮的发了简讯给他, 问问他近况如何和是否要出来叙叙旧。
其实，我们只是抱着问问看的心情，心想也许他会怀疑我们是否有什么目的；多年来根本丝毫一点联络都没有，莫名其妙地就问人家要不要出来吃饭，不吓坏人才怪！怎料,他豪爽地一口就答应了！
就这样，那晚好像就回到以前读书的时候。话匣子一打开，我们就噼里啪啦地有说有笑。 他说我们一点也没变 – 我还是当中最chee-na 的一个，英文水平在我们当中最差的一个，说英文时有时还因为发音不标准而闹出笑话。美荧还是一样地用某种口吻提起她的妈妈。惠群。。。 啊！好像没说到惠群变了没...
Anyway, the point is after so many years, he seems to be the most financially successful among the few of us... While we are still seemingly struggling to "make ends meet", our dear friend here owns a SLK, a prada phone, amongst others...
AND - as usual, I was the ignorant one and innocently asked what a SLK is... "A SLK can buy me three to four Hondas..." was the answer given to me... Woah - imagine how my jaw dropped...
It became the hottest conversation (**read 'gossip') topic among the three of us the following day... But whatever the case, we are happy for him that he's doing very well now. We also agreed that the three of us seriously needed to review and re-chart our priorities again so that we are able to own/wear all branded stuff from head to toe, from inner to outer wear by the time we hit the big "3"!!! Gosh...
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Walking Zombie
Something’s weighing super heavily on my mind… Just can’t seem to shake it off, no matter how…
And this is seriously no good.
I’m like a walking zombie at work. I am just doing my work but not really putting much brain cells into it…
The result? Work performance has been seriously affected.
The number of occasions in which Boss showed me her puzzled face is gravely on the rise. She did not really question me because I guessed she trusted I knew…
I know that if I were to continue behaving like this, I am walking on a mine field and Boss may just erupt anytime. If I were her, my patience with myself would be running super low by now too…
But somehow, unfortunately, I still can’t sort out my thoughts.
Worse, this has to happen when the year-end review is coming… Darn…
Some colleagues also told me that I seemed to be in a world of my own these days. I do not seem to be as bubbly as before and would just walk with a straight face whenever I pass by their work stations.
Even when I’m having casual conversations with my friends, I have become rather absent-minded and I can easily lose the conversation thread… No, I’m not talking about IMs but even face-to-face conversations.
I need a break.
Or rather, I think I need a break – to sort out my thoughts. To get my priorities back on track again. And this needs to happen fast.
Wish me good luck…
And this is seriously no good.
I’m like a walking zombie at work. I am just doing my work but not really putting much brain cells into it…
The result? Work performance has been seriously affected.
The number of occasions in which Boss showed me her puzzled face is gravely on the rise. She did not really question me because I guessed she trusted I knew…
I know that if I were to continue behaving like this, I am walking on a mine field and Boss may just erupt anytime. If I were her, my patience with myself would be running super low by now too…
But somehow, unfortunately, I still can’t sort out my thoughts.
Worse, this has to happen when the year-end review is coming… Darn…
Some colleagues also told me that I seemed to be in a world of my own these days. I do not seem to be as bubbly as before and would just walk with a straight face whenever I pass by their work stations.
Even when I’m having casual conversations with my friends, I have become rather absent-minded and I can easily lose the conversation thread… No, I’m not talking about IMs but even face-to-face conversations.
I need a break.
Or rather, I think I need a break – to sort out my thoughts. To get my priorities back on track again. And this needs to happen fast.
Wish me good luck…