I recently came to know about something by accident, and while it was, honestly, none of my business, I realised that I am starting to see this person in another light. It does not help that this came shortly after a personal lunch conversation I had with my boss earlier. While I previously reasoned down that the strong reaction might be due to one’s character, the new-found knowledge, nonetheless, overthrew this argument. I could not comprehend the actions and reactions anymore and could find no justification for the behaviour.
Weird.
If one had gone through similar rough patch before, and had supposedly recovered from it, shouldn’t one show more empathy instead? It is rather ironic to see the total opposite – that one is even more critical than others.
Oh well, then again, I think I would never understand it anyway. Just like how I think I will never understand, till now, how one can love two or more people at one time. Or just like how I never know how to play pool, regardless how many experts had taught me…
Sunday, April 11, 2010
喜欢。。。
好怀念你以前每次来接我下班。
怀念每次上车就看见你的笑容，然后说有的没的。。。
不知是因为有一段时间没单独见面了，感觉彼此都很珍惜见面的时间。虽然也有在线上偶尔聊天，但见面时，还是东聊西撤 ，还是有说不完的话题。
原以为吃顿饭 ，最多两三个小时，九点或十点应该就能到家休息；怎知这一聊就是六七个钟头 。。。
这一次，感觉你又不一样了。但又说不上是哪里不一样。
是说话的语气，还是谈天的内容： 我不晓得。
喜欢听你用广东话和你住在国外的阿姨谈天，然后一直摆手势跟我说等一下，对不起。
喜欢看你紧张我的样子。 看你看到我脸上皮肤敏感，硬逼我去厕所，然后说怎么办，是要去买药膏或是什么；尽管我说我没事，手不痒，不去抓它，一会儿就会没事。
喜欢看到你一脸惊讶。当你看到我从厕所出来时，脸上皮肤敏感的部位都好像没事了。 听你感叹女人化装功夫一流。然后又是一脸惊讶，当我说我只是用冷水傅了一下， 没什么补粉。
喜欢看你吃到好吃的那道菜，就一直叫我吃多一点。喜欢你贴心地夹菜给我。
喜欢看你很认真地听我吐苦水。
喜欢听你跟我分享你过去一个月多做了些什么。
喜欢知道你宁愿和我去吃雪糕，继续谈天，也不要看俊男美女争夺选美冠军。
喜欢感受到你对摄影的热忱。
喜欢发现你原来在 facebook跟我分享了一些restricted information.
喜欢我们无所不谈，聊到我们都忘了时间。
时间，如果能停顿在上个星期五 (9 April 2010) 晚上，那该多好！
就如灰姑娘每在午夜十二点，就得离开舞会和王子；上个星期五再怎么不舍，确实已过了。我们又得回到现实，继续认真地为各自的生活忙碌。
不知道，下个星期五或星期六会几时再来临呢？
怀念每次上车就看见你的笑容，然后说有的没的。。。
不知是因为有一段时间没单独见面了，感觉彼此都很珍惜见面的时间。虽然也有在线上偶尔聊天，但见面时，还是东聊西撤 ，还是有说不完的话题。
原以为吃顿饭 ，最多两三个小时，九点或十点应该就能到家休息；怎知这一聊就是六七个钟头 。。。
这一次，感觉你又不一样了。但又说不上是哪里不一样。
是说话的语气，还是谈天的内容： 我不晓得。
喜欢听你用广东话和你住在国外的阿姨谈天，然后一直摆手势跟我说等一下，对不起。
喜欢看你紧张我的样子。 看你看到我脸上皮肤敏感，硬逼我去厕所，然后说怎么办，是要去买药膏或是什么；尽管我说我没事，手不痒，不去抓它，一会儿就会没事。
喜欢看到你一脸惊讶。当你看到我从厕所出来时，脸上皮肤敏感的部位都好像没事了。 听你感叹女人化装功夫一流。然后又是一脸惊讶，当我说我只是用冷水傅了一下， 没什么补粉。
喜欢看你吃到好吃的那道菜，就一直叫我吃多一点。喜欢你贴心地夹菜给我。
喜欢看你很认真地听我吐苦水。
喜欢听你跟我分享你过去一个月多做了些什么。
喜欢知道你宁愿和我去吃雪糕，继续谈天，也不要看俊男美女争夺选美冠军。
喜欢感受到你对摄影的热忱。
喜欢发现你原来在 facebook跟我分享了一些restricted information.
喜欢我们无所不谈，聊到我们都忘了时间。
时间，如果能停顿在上个星期五 (9 April 2010) 晚上，那该多好！
就如灰姑娘每在午夜十二点，就得离开舞会和王子；上个星期五再怎么不舍，确实已过了。我们又得回到现实，继续认真地为各自的生活忙碌。
不知道，下个星期五或星期六会几时再来临呢？
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
The Illusionist
Really like this show.
Like the magic.
Like the plot.
Like the characters' dialogues.
Cried my eyeballs out.
And ran to blow my nose, wash my face
At almost every commercial-break opportunity
During the last few episodes.
Silly ~ I know.
Like the songs.
Especially the ending song <<二人同行>>
Like the lyrics.
Especially those highlighted in pink.
Even more so ~ those in bold pink.
Especially these two phrases.
对天空的辽阔来说 云算什么
你不会懂 我渺小得多宽容
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Random, random, random
To clear the air, the previous entry has nothing to do with myself. It was just some thoughts that came across my mind after reading a book that my friend lent me, and also partly inspired by a friend’s situation. Weirdly, the PPGs thought I am feeling super emo about things again… Like what Bloss puts, “FAIL” cos my readers din get the impression I wan them to get. Hah!
###
Work has been… I don’t know whether BUSY is the right word to use, because technically speaking, my to-do list is not exactly very long… and I’m only currently working on two projects, the rest are just other nitty-gritty tasks. But somehow, these two projects are just taking ages. Sigh…
February is just too short a month. And whatever upcoming projects Boss mentioned in the meeting today, they are due in March, but ironically, until now, she does not have the information yet. I hate it when she says that cos that means it’s going to be a mad rush for all of us when she eventually briefs me and my designer. And this means we have less than three weeks to pull off a campaign, a client cocktail function, etc, etc, on top of whatever we are doing now… But judging on the workload we mentioned today, think my designer is in a worse shape than me… Good luck to us!
###
The office award ceremony this year turned out to be a little surprise for me. I was given the Team Player Award. It's kinda ironic because I was just standing at one little corner, behind everyone else, happily gossiping with my other colleague, and eyeing at the Lo Hei and food... So imagine how I had that confused expression when I thought I heard my name being announced, then my whole face turned red when I realised everyone turned around to stare at me.
It also then occurred to me why my Human Resources Manager told me that morning she got me replaced and I do not have to be the emcee for the event ceremony anymore. And I naively thought she was being kind for letting me off. Yes, I'm slow at times, I know.
But I wonder who did the nomination. Checked with the two departments I am closest to, and both said no... so... Oh well...
###
When you find your mind keep wandering off when you are out with a group of friends, or you keep rolling your eyes secretly at their conversation, and at one point, you even ask yourself “Why the hell am I here listening and entertaining to such crap?”, does that mean you do not really enjoy their company anymore?
That’s kinda sad. But I guess when your minds don’t connect in whatever way they should connect, and you are at a totally different frequency and wavelength with the rest, it is high time I start to build and maintain a distance from them. I should not allow myself to degrade to their level; otherwise, I think I will look down on myself even. Crap.
###
I feel like taking a holiday. And I really mean a holiday, and not just a weekend trip to somewhere. I want to take leave to go somewhere. Talking about that, I need to clear my leave by March. Darn. But I don’t feel like going on a trip with a big group.
Best is I can go on a holiday with someone whom I feel absolutely comfortable even if we dun talk to each other much, and of course, vice versa. Hmmm… My next planned trip is in August… I wonder if I can tahan till then… Sigh...
###
There are just too many messy relationships around me. And it’s weird how people think I can accept such nonsense.
Like what a friend told me.. I’m turning to you and sharing this with you because I KNOW you will not be judgmental like the rest, and you will be able to empathize, though you may not agree with what I am doing.
HUH???
I used to get very agitated after hearing messy stories, but I guess, somehow, along the way, I’ve given up saying anything at all and I guess that is why I give people the impression that I am able to empathize and not be judgmental. I’ll just keep quiet and nod my head. But to be honest, I am. I will be judgmental, just that I don’t express it anymore. Because I have come to terms that it is ultimately your problem, not mine. You are an adult and should have the sanity and morality as to what to do next. I do not have to be so affected by what is happening to you. I’ll just provide a listening ear. Just don't deprive me of my zzz. Please.
###
Work has been… I don’t know whether BUSY is the right word to use, because technically speaking, my to-do list is not exactly very long… and I’m only currently working on two projects, the rest are just other nitty-gritty tasks. But somehow, these two projects are just taking ages. Sigh…
February is just too short a month. And whatever upcoming projects Boss mentioned in the meeting today, they are due in March, but ironically, until now, she does not have the information yet. I hate it when she says that cos that means it’s going to be a mad rush for all of us when she eventually briefs me and my designer. And this means we have less than three weeks to pull off a campaign, a client cocktail function, etc, etc, on top of whatever we are doing now… But judging on the workload we mentioned today, think my designer is in a worse shape than me… Good luck to us!
###
The office award ceremony this year turned out to be a little surprise for me. I was given the Team Player Award. It's kinda ironic because I was just standing at one little corner, behind everyone else, happily gossiping with my other colleague, and eyeing at the Lo Hei and food... So imagine how I had that confused expression when I thought I heard my name being announced, then my whole face turned red when I realised everyone turned around to stare at me.
It also then occurred to me why my Human Resources Manager told me that morning she got me replaced and I do not have to be the emcee for the event ceremony anymore. And I naively thought she was being kind for letting me off. Yes, I'm slow at times, I know.
But I wonder who did the nomination. Checked with the two departments I am closest to, and both said no... so... Oh well...
###
When you find your mind keep wandering off when you are out with a group of friends, or you keep rolling your eyes secretly at their conversation, and at one point, you even ask yourself “Why the hell am I here listening and entertaining to such crap?”, does that mean you do not really enjoy their company anymore?
That’s kinda sad. But I guess when your minds don’t connect in whatever way they should connect, and you are at a totally different frequency and wavelength with the rest, it is high time I start to build and maintain a distance from them. I should not allow myself to degrade to their level; otherwise, I think I will look down on myself even. Crap.
###
I feel like taking a holiday. And I really mean a holiday, and not just a weekend trip to somewhere. I want to take leave to go somewhere. Talking about that, I need to clear my leave by March. Darn. But I don’t feel like going on a trip with a big group.
Best is I can go on a holiday with someone whom I feel absolutely comfortable even if we dun talk to each other much, and of course, vice versa. Hmmm… My next planned trip is in August… I wonder if I can tahan till then… Sigh...
###
There are just too many messy relationships around me. And it’s weird how people think I can accept such nonsense.
Like what a friend told me.. I’m turning to you and sharing this with you because I KNOW you will not be judgmental like the rest, and you will be able to empathize, though you may not agree with what I am doing.
HUH???
I used to get very agitated after hearing messy stories, but I guess, somehow, along the way, I’ve given up saying anything at all and I guess that is why I give people the impression that I am able to empathize and not be judgmental. I’ll just keep quiet and nod my head. But to be honest, I am. I will be judgmental, just that I don’t express it anymore. Because I have come to terms that it is ultimately your problem, not mine. You are an adult and should have the sanity and morality as to what to do next. I do not have to be so affected by what is happening to you. I’ll just provide a listening ear. Just don't deprive me of my zzz. Please.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
怕。
老实说，其实，你 是不是 / 有没有 喜欢我？
这样一句听似简单的问话，却每次疆在嘴边，就是说不出口。
疆在嘴边，只因为。。。
怕。
怕尴尬，怕失败，也怕丢脸。
怕前进不了，也怕无从退后。
更怕的是问了，感情还是原封不动。这对问的那个人或许是最大的讽刺。
怕的是对方点头。
因为我不知道我问你，是想和你开花结果，还是因为我只想满足我的好奇心和虚荣心。
因为我不确定你点头，是因为你是真的喜欢我，还是你是一时不知道怎么回答我，所以在焦急之下，糊里糊涂地点了头。
又或许你只是一时空虚，既然我送上门了，应酬应酬我，你自己也不吃亏。
更怕的是对方摇头。
那，我们还能做朋友级的朋友吗？
你以后每次在我面前出现时，不就是在无形地提醒我：我无论多么喜欢你，多么紧张和在乎你，为你再做多少事，身份也只纯粹是你的朋友而已。
你怎么能这么残忍？
那，直到你哪天带着你心仪的男／女友介绍给大伙儿时，我的世界不就当场完全地跨下了吗？
其实，说到底，说还是不说，问还是不问，就要看你是抱着什么心态， 你玩不玩得起，输不输得起。。。
在你得到你认为是对方给你的答案后，想想要怎么处理你们之间似有似无的情丝。
掌控权应该。。。 还是在你自己的手里的。
这样一句听似简单的问话，却每次疆在嘴边，就是说不出口。
疆在嘴边，只因为。。。
怕。
怕尴尬，怕失败，也怕丢脸。
怕前进不了，也怕无从退后。
更怕的是问了，感情还是原封不动。这对问的那个人或许是最大的讽刺。
怕的是对方点头。
因为我不知道我问你，是想和你开花结果，还是因为我只想满足我的好奇心和虚荣心。
因为我不确定你点头，是因为你是真的喜欢我，还是你是一时不知道怎么回答我，所以在焦急之下，糊里糊涂地点了头。
又或许你只是一时空虚，既然我送上门了，应酬应酬我，你自己也不吃亏。
更怕的是对方摇头。
那，我们还能做朋友级的朋友吗？
你以后每次在我面前出现时，不就是在无形地提醒我：我无论多么喜欢你，多么紧张和在乎你，为你再做多少事，身份也只纯粹是你的朋友而已。
你怎么能这么残忍？
那，直到你哪天带着你心仪的男／女友介绍给大伙儿时，我的世界不就当场完全地跨下了吗？
其实，说到底，说还是不说，问还是不问，就要看你是抱着什么心态， 你玩不玩得起，输不输得起。。。
在你得到你认为是对方给你的答案后，想想要怎么处理你们之间似有似无的情丝。
掌控权应该。。。 还是在你自己的手里的。