Been feeling rather emo since the start of the year. Things were made worse when I fell sick and work had not been exactly smooth for the 1st two weeks of 2011.
I did my fair share of complaints, crying and sulking. And fortunately, work has taken a change for the better. And I know it will only get better.
Or maybe, I am trying to find back my own aggressiveness and my own fighting spirit, as I’ve mentioned earlier. The more people think I am not able to do some things, the more I would do to prove them wrong. I survive and can respond pretty well to such pressure. Test me.
Can never – ever – forget the exclamations and shocked expressions on the faces of my relatives and neighoubours when I received my PSLE, O Levels and A Levels results.
My relatives were happy for me. But I would never forget in my life when my ex-neighbour arrogantly told my mum in my presence that she should be more than happy if I even, ever, managed to get a 220 for my PSLE. I scored so much better than her kid and went to River Valley. Hers? Blah – Fairfield Methodist.
Apparently, she never learnt her lesson and she once again told my mum that, my mum should be more than satisfied if I could enter a polytechnic. My entry to a SAP school was just a beautiful mistake.
In the end, I went to Hwa Chong Junior College. Hers? Blah – National Junior College.
I hate such arrogant people, or should I say arrogant empty vessels. They just like to put people down to make themselves feel better. But for what? I can never understand and I am not interested to find out. But maybe I should have her to thank. Hah.
I told my mum that for people to be arrogant, they better blardy hell have the capabilities to be so. Which I still believe so.
Anyway, I digress.
What I had wanted to blog about was…
Happiness – I can’t stop smiling to myself!
My favourite student scored an A2 for her Math in O Levels! Alright. It’s not an A1. But based on her standards and capabilities, an A2 is already more than a good pressie for me! I was honestly expecting a B3 for her. And she always jokes that she is going to spoil my track record of As.
Math has never been her strong subject and there was even a period when she really hated the subject cos she either kept failing or just made it across the borderline.
But she believed in me. Believed that I wanted the best for her. She has been my student since she was Primary 4. Should have stopped teaching her in Sec 2 but she called me one day and asked me to tutor her for Sec 3 & 4.
“It’s OK if you have stopped teaching Sec 3 & 4 for more than 5 years. I trust you.”
Her last three words stuck in my mind until now. I melted then.
She called me right after her call to her mum and she was shrieking on the other side of the phone. Ecstatic.
I am too. I’m happy she did it.
And I honestly could not stop smiling to myself for the whole day after her call.
I’ll miss her.
Pensive.
Nan SMS-ed me one day and kinda demanded that she needed to meet me cos she had gotten into a second round of interview and she had no idea what to expect. She needed my advice.
I thought that was kinda weird. I’m not a headhunter or a trained HR personnel or have a HR background. Human Resources was only my general elective module in Uni…
But I soon realised why she needed to talk to me. Because apart from her interview for her scholarship, which was dunno how many donkey years ago, she has never been to a proper interview before. She even asked me what to wear for the interview.
But what made me in awe was what she shared with me…
She shared that she still has the vision to want to make an impact in other people’s life. That her dream is get into MOH and be a decision maker and policy maker, so that she can change and implement some new policies that would benefit more patients. And she can’t do that now because if she applies to MOH now, she can only be a ka-gia and not someone of influential decision power.
I think I stared at her with disbelief in my eyes for a good few minutes.
Doesn’t she sound like a fresh graduate? A gung-ho fresh graduate with lotsa of ideals and belief and enthusiasm to want to “save the world” and make the world a better place?
Ahh… Don’t we all used to be like that once?
What happen?
Somehow, along the way, we became so jaded and got caught up in the current situation to forget what your ideals once were….
And she asked me. What happen to my plan? The plan that I would quit the corporate world at 30 to go pursue my passion – teaching. I’m overdue, she reminded me.
Had lunch with another friend recently and the conversation turned to our pursuits in life.
He suggested me to open a tuition centre when I told him about my overdue teaching dream, and yet, I do not want to give up on my marketing job.
And he actually generously offered to cough up a sum of money. Woah.
But of course, there are much more issues, planning and groundwork to be done before anything can be concrete. And this friend only offered to cough up the money. He’ll leave the rest to me, he says.
He called me two days later to ask me if I had given it a serious thought. Open a brand new centre or buy over an existing one? And if you want to buy over an existing one, please make sure it has potential. His bla-bla-bla was when I knew he was genuinely serious.
Hmmm… Let me mull over it some more.
Blissful
Attended CW's & Jen’s wedding at Sentosa Cove Glass House. It was an intimate affair with only 9 tables.
Don’t know why but when I saw her this time round, I felt happy for her. I mean, sincerely happy for the two of them. Happy that she found her man, and her man found her. Hopefully, this time round, it’s the right man.
The 2 of them were already a couple in Uni but broke up because the guy wanted to settle down but not the girl.
Both subsequently got married to other people, divorced and then as fate would have it, they got in touch again and then fell in love again.
真的是兜了一个大圆圈！But it’s all sweetness after the bitterness.
And I teared during their solemnization when they took their vows. Touched.
There was a mixture of tears and laughter when CW gave his speech. It was a damn long speech but touching. Especially for those who knew the 2 of them since Uni days.
I’ve been to so many weddings and helped coordinate so many weddings but I think this was one of the best. It din feel like a wedding at all. Instead, it was an intimate cosy affair where everyone just mingle, laugh and talk.
Even when I am not really close to CW & Jen’s other friends whom I knew as well (from the same secondary school), or knew anyone at all at the wedding, for that matter, I felt at ease and comfortable. There was this guy at my table who introduced himself the moment I sat down from my emcee-ing job.
“You were from NTU, aren’t you? You look very familiar.”
Turned out he was from NTU Accountancy and he knew CW and the rest of my secondary school classmates who were at the table as well.
He was reminiscing the good old days and told the few of us, “It’s amazing how some of us are now daddies and mummies. And especially how we all look different now, yet very much the same. Doesn’t this remind you of the good old days when we were all in school?”
A sign of age, isn’t it? When you realise you keep saying, “Those were the days.”
I like what CW & Jen put in their weddig invite.
“Love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with him more than any other person. Love is trusting him enough to tell him everything about yourself. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with him but still getting weak in the knees when he walks into a room and smiles at you.”
How true…
Sad such that my tears can’t stop flowing.
OK. I have to admit. I’m not emotionally strong. I over-estimated myself.
Received a call from a good friend this morning. She told me to take a deep breath and stay calm to whatever she was going to tell me thereafter.
How weird I thought.
But what she said hit me hard.
“I have cancer.”
“Huh? What was it that you just said?”
“You did not hear wrongly. I have cancer. Lymphoma cancer.”
Silence. My tears started to well up and the next thing I knew – I couldn’t even talk.
“Silly girl. Cry for what? Nothing to cry about. Doc says it’s curable.”
I’m never good with such things. I honestly do not know what to say.
And in the end, she was the one trying to console me and telling me it is going to be alright.
“I thought I should call to let you know. Lest you hear from dunno what sources and start to get funny ideas or thought it is very serious. Or you suddenly didn't hear from me for some time later. Cos knowing you, you seldom take the initiative to contact other people anyway.”
She has just given birth – much to both her hubby’s and her delight. After having tried for some time for a baby.
They had almost wanted to give up trying and started planning for themselves and their own duo future when she found herself pregnant. Both were ecstatic. We all knew how much her hubby wanted a kid.
But it seems that this pregnancy or this kid is… I don’t know...
老人家不是说过，有些孩子生来带给父母的是福 ，有些却是祸。
She first had chicken pox during her pregnancy, then followed by post-natal depression, all the problems that come along with breast feeding, and down with flu, muscle aches, etc.
And then now… 一波未平 ，一波又起。
我真的很心疼她。
But of course, mothers being mothers, she shared that it is a blessing in disguise that it is her and not her son. I mean, yes, it’s true. But I would rather it NOT be anybody.
She asked me to meet up soon, before she starts her chemo which is scheduled after CNY, and by then, she has to cut down contact in case of viral infection from outside.
I didn’t tell her but I’m scared to meet her. I don’t want to start crying or tearing the moment I see her. Because I shouldn’t be. But I’m scared I can’t help it. I am in fact crying so uncontrollably now as I type.
Yet, I know I would want to be there for her. I would meet her. I just need to toughen up myself.
And knowing her loud and tough character, and for the sake of her hubby and baby, her family and all whom she loves and love her, she should able to pull through this difficult phase in her life. 加油！
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