Have been feeling out of sorts this week.
You know how it is when you keep thinking it is Tuesday, when it is actually Wednesday? Or Wednesday, when it is actually Thursday?
Yes, while most of us are hoping that the week will end faster, such that the long weekend will be here faster, I think I am the only oddball here, subconsciously hoping the week won't pass by so fast. Hence, I was still living in yesterday ~ thinking it was Wednesday when it was actually Thursday...
***
Bloss said I could join her and her students in the ice cream workshop this evening, and David has also graciously allowed me to attend it ~ without having to pay (I think... )! Yeah!
But then, who knows? I got lazy and decided to head home instead.
I miss the ice cream though - especially the dunno what liquer, triple dark choc. I always like that! Yummy! Shall go have that soon, I hope!
***
Butter should be in BKK now, happily shopping and eating and nua-ing... So nice.
I need to get more $$ to satisfy my hunger for trips. Hahah. Oh yes, and go on trips with the right people.
***
I'm tired.
It's a long weekend, so it's a good time to rest. I hope.
***
Cancer is such a scary illness. Been reading that if it is detected in the early stages, there are still hopes for cure.
But if so, why is it that the cases I heard recently ~ the cancerous cells are only detected at a much later stage, and by then, everything seems too late?
What's even more ironic is the "you've cancer" news always come when people are hospitalised because of some other comparatively-minor illness and then from there, everything goes spinning downhill?
Been talking to AW and I also pray her guy would survive the ordeal. She said it's a 50-50 chance, so let's bet on the 50 survival. He has to. He must.
That said, we must really take care of ourselves. The recent events have even drilled deeper in me that it's not only the sick feeling ill, everyone ard him/her and those who really care, are not having it any easy either...
***
One student is getting more and more "atrocious". She is either not doing her homework or always bargaining with me, in her sweetest voice, to give her less homework.
And I am also getting more and more "atrocious"! Cos I actually just nagged at her and then agreed! Darn.
EOY exams are approaching and by no means is she going to pass her exams at this rate. Shucks... I need to be firm with her (and myself).
Friday, September 18, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
还好
看到他还会拿我开玩笑，我心里的石头终于放下。。。
然后，在回家路上，我才焕然大悟，原来，几个星期的焦虑不安，是因为我只能从我们谈话中，他的口吻，自下定论。即使他说还好，我还是放心不下。
一切只是意味着想确定他真的一切都还好。
直到见到他实实在在，在我面前，虽然是瘦了一大圈，脸型尖了许多，样子很憔悴和累，但我的心是踏实了许多。
惠群说就算他心里有多难过，应该不会在这时露出来。 也对，现在他还是忙得团团转，没时间想这么多。 但我想，明天的事，明天再说或担心吧。
其实，刚才也说不到几句话，因为他得去“跑台”。 望着到他跑来跑去，之间，似乎又看到了那眼神和笑容，我知道他会没事的。
他会有力量度过这时期的。
然后，在回家路上，我才焕然大悟，原来，几个星期的焦虑不安，是因为我只能从我们谈话中，他的口吻，自下定论。即使他说还好，我还是放心不下。
一切只是意味着想确定他真的一切都还好。
直到见到他实实在在，在我面前，虽然是瘦了一大圈，脸型尖了许多，样子很憔悴和累，但我的心是踏实了许多。
惠群说就算他心里有多难过，应该不会在这时露出来。 也对，现在他还是忙得团团转，没时间想这么多。 但我想，明天的事，明天再说或担心吧。
其实，刚才也说不到几句话，因为他得去“跑台”。 望着到他跑来跑去，之间，似乎又看到了那眼神和笑容，我知道他会没事的。
他会有力量度过这时期的。
Sunday, September 13, 2009
最不想看到的简讯...
看到他传来了一则简讯。
看到了简讯的头几个字时, 我就已猜到简讯的内容。
跟两年前，凌晨时分，收到的简讯口吻是一样的。 当时，打了长途电话给他，听到他哽咽得根本说不出一句话，我的心也乱得七上八下。
迟迟都不想去证实我心想的，所以也迟迟不去按"read". 就把电话扔在床上， 然后就去翻报纸，开电视，开电脑。坐也不是，躺也不是， 站也不是。
就这样过了好几个钟头，终于受不了，去读了简讯。 然后对着电话又发了一个钟头的呆。 不敢打给他，也不知该怎么回应，因为我根本不知道能说些什么。 我也不忍心再次听到他哭得哽咽到说不出一句话。
最亲的人的离开不是亲朋好友说几句(同样的)话就能安抚的。 尤其是当你和家人的关系是最密切和良好的。
也许，唯一能欣慰的是至少亲人离开时，他是走得安祥的。 病痛是减得最低的。。。
相信他的父亲还有许多许多的牵挂，但还好，他的家人都在，陪他一起走完人生这最后一段。。。我想，在那时，这才是最重要，也算能安祥离去。。。
也希望他能找到力量和勇气度过这悲伤时期。。。
看到了简讯的头几个字时, 我就已猜到简讯的内容。
跟两年前，凌晨时分，收到的简讯口吻是一样的。 当时，打了长途电话给他，听到他哽咽得根本说不出一句话，我的心也乱得七上八下。
迟迟都不想去证实我心想的，所以也迟迟不去按"read". 就把电话扔在床上， 然后就去翻报纸，开电视，开电脑。坐也不是，躺也不是， 站也不是。
就这样过了好几个钟头，终于受不了，去读了简讯。 然后对着电话又发了一个钟头的呆。 不敢打给他，也不知该怎么回应，因为我根本不知道能说些什么。 我也不忍心再次听到他哭得哽咽到说不出一句话。
最亲的人的离开不是亲朋好友说几句(同样的)话就能安抚的。 尤其是当你和家人的关系是最密切和良好的。
也许，唯一能欣慰的是至少亲人离开时，他是走得安祥的。 病痛是减得最低的。。。
相信他的父亲还有许多许多的牵挂，但还好，他的家人都在，陪他一起走完人生这最后一段。。。我想，在那时，这才是最重要，也算能安祥离去。。。
也希望他能找到力量和勇气度过这悲伤时期。。。
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Things will get better.
A colleague mentioned today that, "这个七月好像很猛！ 好多衰事情发生了。"
So weird - Bloss and Butter always claim I am the most pan-tang among the three of us, but yet, I did not relate anything that I heard/knew this week to the Hungry Ghost Festival.
1) Just heard that an acquaintance, who is one year older than me, just passed away. From pancreatic cancer. She just got married in May this year. Beautiful bride. And she was all ready to start her new chapter in life with her hubby. Her hubby lost his wife within a month after she was diagnosed with the illness. Everything happened so quickly. I don't know and can't imagine how he is going to handle and cope with the sudden loss.
2) My colleague's dad contracted shingles, of all places, in his eyes! gosh... but fortunately, he is on his way to recovery though he still complains of itchiness and pain...
3) And then, a colleague's mum passed away. And then, another two -- each has one parent recovering from a bad fall in Changi Hospital and SGH.
Came home and told mum that it might be better that the hungry ghost festival ends quickly. Two more weeks...
***
And then, he finally found time this week to call me.
His tone wasn't exactly very right; in fact, so much softer and more tired than usual.
And to cut whole story short, I think if I were him, I might most probably regretted calling me.
With already so many problems at hand, and already mentally, emotionally and physically drained, you wouldn't want to call someone, only to add more totally-unnecessary stress to yourself, would you?
My accumulated worry and concern turned -- at that very instant when he called -- into aloofness, followed by frustration.
And after he pieced the whole two-month puzzle, all I could utter was a very soft "oh..." cos I could think of nothing else to say, except that I'm such a brat for venting on him.
Now when I recalled him "brushing me off" with a "Still very busy with many stuffs", that was, honestly, more than an understatement.
My heart just broke when he tried to choke out a dry chuckle, and told me he could not imagine why and how so many things could have happened just within two months, with no prior symptoms and such, and that everything seemed to happen all so swiftly at the snap of a finger.
Throughout the whole conversation, I could hear that every little bit of energy and zest has almost been sapped from him.
It hurts that I can't and dunno how to do anything to help alleviate his stress levels. Except to help him find out about certain stuffs while he goes busy wtih other things. And to pray.
So weird - Bloss and Butter always claim I am the most pan-tang among the three of us, but yet, I did not relate anything that I heard/knew this week to the Hungry Ghost Festival.
1) Just heard that an acquaintance, who is one year older than me, just passed away. From pancreatic cancer. She just got married in May this year. Beautiful bride. And she was all ready to start her new chapter in life with her hubby. Her hubby lost his wife within a month after she was diagnosed with the illness. Everything happened so quickly. I don't know and can't imagine how he is going to handle and cope with the sudden loss.
2) My colleague's dad contracted shingles, of all places, in his eyes! gosh... but fortunately, he is on his way to recovery though he still complains of itchiness and pain...
3) And then, a colleague's mum passed away. And then, another two -- each has one parent recovering from a bad fall in Changi Hospital and SGH.
Came home and told mum that it might be better that the hungry ghost festival ends quickly. Two more weeks...
***
And then, he finally found time this week to call me.
His tone wasn't exactly very right; in fact, so much softer and more tired than usual.
And to cut whole story short, I think if I were him, I might most probably regretted calling me.
With already so many problems at hand, and already mentally, emotionally and physically drained, you wouldn't want to call someone, only to add more totally-unnecessary stress to yourself, would you?
My accumulated worry and concern turned -- at that very instant when he called -- into aloofness, followed by frustration.
And after he pieced the whole two-month puzzle, all I could utter was a very soft "oh..." cos I could think of nothing else to say, except that I'm such a brat for venting on him.
Now when I recalled him "brushing me off" with a "Still very busy with many stuffs", that was, honestly, more than an understatement.
My heart just broke when he tried to choke out a dry chuckle, and told me he could not imagine why and how so many things could have happened just within two months, with no prior symptoms and such, and that everything seemed to happen all so swiftly at the snap of a finger.
Throughout the whole conversation, I could hear that every little bit of energy and zest has almost been sapped from him.
It hurts that I can't and dunno how to do anything to help alleviate his stress levels. Except to help him find out about certain stuffs while he goes busy wtih other things. And to pray.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
I love sleeping in.
I love sleeping in.
Especially when I wake up at 7.00 am and realise I have the luxury of sleeping in, without any tuition or appointments to rush to.
I think my skin will also thank me for letting it rest and breathe for a day.
I love my bed and pillow. Heavenly bliss.
Ok – but imagine how I gasped out loud this morning when I next looked at the clock, it was already 1.00 pm!
Such a pig!
***
Caught the preview of The Extraordinary V Conference 2009. Although it was the usual slapstick humour which made fun of the happenings in Singapore and around the world, it still made the audience (and me) laugh out loud.
It was still hilarious – seeing them poking fun at (some of which quite sensitive issues):
• The relationship between Singapore and Malaysia
• How our government may plan to receive Mr and Mrs Obama should they decide to pay Singapore a visit, and on Mr Obama being the first African American to hold office, Mrs Obama’s toned arms and the famous “Yes, we can”…
• The AWARE saga
• The rojak food poisoning saga
• H1N1
• The numerous/countless campaigns that Singapore runs in the past few years (Speak good “Engrish”, Speak Mandarin, Quit Smoking, Two is not enough, the revival of Singa the Lion for the courtesy campaign, etc, etc.. how many of these campaigns do we actually remember?)
• The proliferation of the new language (acronyms) used by youngsters nowadays – many of which I don’t understand at all
• The gung-ho attitude of many developers who competed to launch retail malls, one after another, this year despite the economy’s performance
• How Buddhists/Taoists should consider learning from the Christians to conduct roadshows to recruit more followers
• The standard obtaining-of-three-quotations by the government bodies/stat boards for any jobs
• How and why we should be “thankful” to our “gahmen” for agreeing to dip into the $2.2 billion reserves for the first time…
• The relationship between Zoe Tay and Fann Wong, the “flop” of The Ultimatum and the “success” of The Little Nonya (and Joanne Peh was there too… with her ang-moh beau)
Quite refreshing also – that this was held at the nightspot, Zirca, instead of the usual Esplanade or Drama Centre.
And it felt good to walk in and out of Zirca, Lunar and Rebel, as we wished, when there were super long queues forming outside all three nightspots – to which I don’t understand because the three places were practically rather empty inside!
Talk about forming false impressions!
***
Heard some news about a friend. The friend who told me was kind of surprised that I reacted to the news so calmly with just a “Is it? OK. Why and how?” in the most monotonous tone and not what she expected “Oh my god! Why??” in my 8-octave higher shrieking voice.
She said she was shocked and speechless when she first learnt of the news.
Oh well. I guess it’s partly because the thing she shared with me did not only happen to that one friend, but I already knew of three other people who did the same thing. So I guessed it is either I am getting more liberal-minded or I am already kind of immune – though I still can’t make sense out of how such things can happen.
But I guess it just goes to show:
* Good, stable and mature guys are rare and almost extinct? And similarly, young, demure, gentle and slim girls are also slowly becoming dinosaurs of age? Stereotype stereotype...
* Girls understand girls’ wants, needs and moods better? And similarly, guys understand guys’ wants, needs and moods better?
* Loneliness is more than scary – if one does not know how to manage it well, it can make one do the most unexpected (and maybe, regrettable) things at times.
* There is always a 99.9% possibility that “something” is going on between two parties (guy-gal, gal-gal, guy-guy) – regardless of whether the involved parties are conscious of it or not – if both willingly spend too much time with each other (regardless of gender)
***
I guess I’m easily pacified.
And I guess I should be even more understanding.
But I still think there’s a limit to everyone’s tolerance and level of trying to be understanding. No matter how kind, easy-going, good-tempered, understanding one is, there is a limit to everything – to which, of course, the level of elasticity on how much one can stretch to “tolerate” depends on who the other party is.
***
Dunno why - suddenly recalled the quote from the movie UP.
“Sometimes, it's the boring stuff I remember the most.”
***
I think I should start blogging about my Langkawi, Malacca and Cameron trips soon, before I forget…
I should also utilise my baking utensils and oven more often, I think… They are collecting dust man…
Mummy’s cooking now and it smells great! I think I should also start to pick up some culinary tips from her. Then again, I would never match her standards – just like how she still complains that my method of hand-washing clothes is not thorough enough and then make me do it all over again… Tired leh… It takes so much strength to hand-wash clothes! grrr… I should tell her that the washing machine is TOO under-utilised.
Then again, sometimes, I find my mummy quite "cute". She just walked into the room, stood behind me and gave me a "lecture" on what she thought of Andy Lau now. And ended with a "haiyoh - to think you still support him all these years! tsk tsk tsk!" and then, she walked out of the room! hahha...
Anyway, I wonder what's the huge fuss over him being married, or hiding the fact that he's married. Didn't everyone already assume or guess that both of them are already married since ages ago? It is just a matter of confirmation from him.
Granted - talk about 天时地利人和, the only "suay" thing was the timing - this piece of news surfaced and got hugely amplified when his father-in-law passed away.
Yes, talk about social responsbility.
But again, all he did was not sharing he's married mah. Besides, it's between him and his wife. If his wife willingly agrees to be the woman behind the scenes, who are we to criticise her husband and who are we to try to play saint and stand up for her - sympathising and empathising with her? And who are we to conclude that she has suffered all these 24 years? For all we know, the couple discussed it and agreed on it, and she has been feeling blissful instead?
You can never underestimate a woman's power and endurance level when it comes to the man she loves.
Just like what I mentioned in an entry in March 2007:
女人其实很简单。只要她所爱的男人对她好，她就可以不惜一切地为他着想，以她自己的方式守护和照顾他。尽管多少委屈，就算天塌下来，也能承受下来。
On a more serious note, I think I should also start to give my resume a look. It has lain dormant for a few years… Time to re-visit and update it again.
Especially when I wake up at 7.00 am and realise I have the luxury of sleeping in, without any tuition or appointments to rush to.
I think my skin will also thank me for letting it rest and breathe for a day.
I love my bed and pillow. Heavenly bliss.
Ok – but imagine how I gasped out loud this morning when I next looked at the clock, it was already 1.00 pm!
Such a pig!
***
Caught the preview of The Extraordinary V Conference 2009. Although it was the usual slapstick humour which made fun of the happenings in Singapore and around the world, it still made the audience (and me) laugh out loud.
It was still hilarious – seeing them poking fun at (some of which quite sensitive issues):
• The relationship between Singapore and Malaysia
• How our government may plan to receive Mr and Mrs Obama should they decide to pay Singapore a visit, and on Mr Obama being the first African American to hold office, Mrs Obama’s toned arms and the famous “Yes, we can”…
• The AWARE saga
• The rojak food poisoning saga
• H1N1
• The numerous/countless campaigns that Singapore runs in the past few years (Speak good “Engrish”, Speak Mandarin, Quit Smoking, Two is not enough, the revival of Singa the Lion for the courtesy campaign, etc, etc.. how many of these campaigns do we actually remember?)
• The proliferation of the new language (acronyms) used by youngsters nowadays – many of which I don’t understand at all
• The gung-ho attitude of many developers who competed to launch retail malls, one after another, this year despite the economy’s performance
• How Buddhists/Taoists should consider learning from the Christians to conduct roadshows to recruit more followers
• The standard obtaining-of-three-quotations by the government bodies/stat boards for any jobs
• How and why we should be “thankful” to our “gahmen” for agreeing to dip into the $2.2 billion reserves for the first time…
• The relationship between Zoe Tay and Fann Wong, the “flop” of The Ultimatum and the “success” of The Little Nonya (and Joanne Peh was there too… with her ang-moh beau)
Quite refreshing also – that this was held at the nightspot, Zirca, instead of the usual Esplanade or Drama Centre.
And it felt good to walk in and out of Zirca, Lunar and Rebel, as we wished, when there were super long queues forming outside all three nightspots – to which I don’t understand because the three places were practically rather empty inside!
Talk about forming false impressions!
***
Heard some news about a friend. The friend who told me was kind of surprised that I reacted to the news so calmly with just a “Is it? OK. Why and how?” in the most monotonous tone and not what she expected “Oh my god! Why??” in my 8-octave higher shrieking voice.
She said she was shocked and speechless when she first learnt of the news.
Oh well. I guess it’s partly because the thing she shared with me did not only happen to that one friend, but I already knew of three other people who did the same thing. So I guessed it is either I am getting more liberal-minded or I am already kind of immune – though I still can’t make sense out of how such things can happen.
But I guess it just goes to show:
* Good, stable and mature guys are rare and almost extinct? And similarly, young, demure, gentle and slim girls are also slowly becoming dinosaurs of age? Stereotype stereotype...
* Girls understand girls’ wants, needs and moods better? And similarly, guys understand guys’ wants, needs and moods better?
* Loneliness is more than scary – if one does not know how to manage it well, it can make one do the most unexpected (and maybe, regrettable) things at times.
* There is always a 99.9% possibility that “something” is going on between two parties (guy-gal, gal-gal, guy-guy) – regardless of whether the involved parties are conscious of it or not – if both willingly spend too much time with each other (regardless of gender)
***
I guess I’m easily pacified.
And I guess I should be even more understanding.
But I still think there’s a limit to everyone’s tolerance and level of trying to be understanding. No matter how kind, easy-going, good-tempered, understanding one is, there is a limit to everything – to which, of course, the level of elasticity on how much one can stretch to “tolerate” depends on who the other party is.
***
Dunno why - suddenly recalled the quote from the movie UP.
“Sometimes, it's the boring stuff I remember the most.”
***
I think I should start blogging about my Langkawi, Malacca and Cameron trips soon, before I forget…
I should also utilise my baking utensils and oven more often, I think… They are collecting dust man…
Mummy’s cooking now and it smells great! I think I should also start to pick up some culinary tips from her. Then again, I would never match her standards – just like how she still complains that my method of hand-washing clothes is not thorough enough and then make me do it all over again… Tired leh… It takes so much strength to hand-wash clothes! grrr… I should tell her that the washing machine is TOO under-utilised.
Then again, sometimes, I find my mummy quite "cute". She just walked into the room, stood behind me and gave me a "lecture" on what she thought of Andy Lau now. And ended with a "haiyoh - to think you still support him all these years! tsk tsk tsk!" and then, she walked out of the room! hahha...
Anyway, I wonder what's the huge fuss over him being married, or hiding the fact that he's married. Didn't everyone already assume or guess that both of them are already married since ages ago? It is just a matter of confirmation from him.
Granted - talk about 天时地利人和, the only "suay" thing was the timing - this piece of news surfaced and got hugely amplified when his father-in-law passed away.
Yes, talk about social responsbility.
But again, all he did was not sharing he's married mah. Besides, it's between him and his wife. If his wife willingly agrees to be the woman behind the scenes, who are we to criticise her husband and who are we to try to play saint and stand up for her - sympathising and empathising with her? And who are we to conclude that she has suffered all these 24 years? For all we know, the couple discussed it and agreed on it, and she has been feeling blissful instead?
You can never underestimate a woman's power and endurance level when it comes to the man she loves.
Just like what I mentioned in an entry in March 2007:
女人其实很简单。只要她所爱的男人对她好，她就可以不惜一切地为他着想，以她自己的方式守护和照顾他。尽管多少委屈，就算天塌下来，也能承受下来。
On a more serious note, I think I should also start to give my resume a look. It has lain dormant for a few years… Time to re-visit and update it again.