Random, random, random

To clear the air, the previous entry has nothing to do with myself. It was just some thoughts that came across my mind after reading a book that my friend lent me, and also partly inspired by a friend’s situation. Weirdly, the PPGs thought I am feeling super emo about things again… Like what Bloss puts, “FAIL” cos my readers din get the impression I wan them to get.  Hah!

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Work has been… I don’t know whether BUSY is the right word to use, because technically speaking, my to-do list is not exactly very long… and I’m only currently working on two projects, the rest are just other nitty-gritty tasks. But somehow, these two projects are just taking ages. Sigh…

February is just too short a month. And whatever upcoming projects Boss mentioned in the meeting today, they are due in March, but ironically, until now, she does not have the information yet. I hate it when she says that cos that means it’s going to be a mad rush for all of us when she eventually briefs me and my designer. And this means we have less than three weeks to pull off a campaign, a client cocktail function, etc, etc, on top of whatever we are doing now… But judging on the workload we mentioned today, think my designer is in a worse shape than me… Good luck to us!

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The office award ceremony this year turned out to be a little surprise for me.  I was given the Team Player Award.  It's kinda ironic because I was just standing at one little corner, behind everyone else, happily gossiping with my other colleague, and eyeing at the Lo Hei and food... So imagine how I had that confused expression when I thought I heard my name being announced, then my whole face turned red when I realised everyone turned around to stare at me.

It also then occurred to me why my Human Resources Manager told me that morning she got me replaced and I do not have to be the emcee for the event ceremony anymore.   And I naively thought she was being kind for letting me off.  Yes, I'm slow at times, I know.

But I wonder who did the nomination.  Checked with the two departments I am closest to, and both said no... so... Oh well...

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When you find your mind keep wandering off when you are out with a group of friends, or you keep rolling your eyes secretly at their conversation, and at one point, you even ask yourself “Why the hell am I here listening and entertaining to such crap?”, does that mean you do not really enjoy their company anymore?

That’s kinda sad.  But I guess when your minds don’t connect in whatever way they should connect, and you are at a totally different frequency and wavelength with the rest, it is high time I start to build and maintain a distance from them. I should not allow myself to degrade to their level; otherwise, I think I will look down on myself even. Crap.

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I feel like taking a holiday. And I really mean a holiday, and not just a weekend trip to somewhere. I want to take leave to go somewhere. Talking about that, I need to clear my leave by March. Darn. But I don’t feel like going on a trip with a big group.

Best is I can go on a holiday with someone whom I feel absolutely comfortable even if we dun talk to each other much, and of course, vice versa. Hmmm… My next planned trip is in August… I wonder if I can tahan till then… Sigh...

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There are just too many messy relationships around me. And it’s weird how people think I can accept such nonsense.

Like what a friend told me.. I’m turning to you and sharing this with you because I KNOW you will not be judgmental like the rest, and you will be able to empathize, though you may not agree with what I am doing.

HUH???

I used to get very agitated after hearing messy stories, but I guess, somehow, along the way, I’ve given up saying anything at all and I guess that is why I give people the impression that I am able to empathize and not be judgmental. I’ll just keep quiet and nod my head. But to be honest, I am. I will be judgmental, just that I don’t express it anymore. Because I have come to terms that it is ultimately your problem, not mine. You are an adult and should have the sanity and morality as to what to do next. I do not have to be so affected by what is happening to you. I’ll just provide a listening ear.  Just don't deprive me of my zzz. Please.

怕。

老实说，其实，你 是不是 / 有没有 喜欢我？

这样一句听似简单的问话，却每次疆在嘴边，就是说不出口。

疆在嘴边，只因为。。。

怕。

怕尴尬，怕失败，也怕丢脸。

怕前进不了，也怕无从退后。

更怕的是问了，感情还是原封不动。这对问的那个人或许是最大的讽刺。

怕的是对方点头。

因为我不知道我问你，是想和你开花结果，还是因为我只想满足我的好奇心和虚荣心。

因为我不确定你点头，是因为你是真的喜欢我，还是你是一时不知道怎么回答我，所以在焦急之下，糊里糊涂地点了头。

又或许你只是一时空虚，既然我送上门了，应酬应酬我，你自己也不吃亏。

更怕的是对方摇头。

那，我们还能做朋友级的朋友吗？

你以后每次在我面前出现时，不就是在无形地提醒我：我无论多么喜欢你，多么紧张和在乎你，为你再做多少事，身份也只纯粹是你的朋友而已。

你怎么能这么残忍？

那，直到你哪天带着你心仪的男／女友介绍给大伙儿时，我的世界不就当场完全地跨下了吗？　　　

其实，说到底，说还是不说，问还是不问，就要看你是抱着什么心态， 你玩不玩得起，输不输得起。。。

在你得到你认为是对方给你的答案后，想想要怎么处理你们之间似有似无的情丝。

掌控权应该。。。 还是在你自己的手里的。

婚礼 | 婚姻

婚礼是一天的事，婚姻却是一辈子。

所以，我不需要你给我难忘的华丽婚礼。

我只需要你给我幸福的婚姻。 也就是我要你这辈子紧牵着我的手， 无论将来的日子是起还是落，谁也不准撇开对方的手，到我们终老为止。

你。。。能做到吗？