"People are to be loved and things are to be used... But nowadays, people are used and things are loved."
Saw this on an acquaintance's status on FB. How true...
Suddenly, remembered someone said to me before that "I"m only friends with so-and-so because they are of value to me. Once they outlived their value, I do not see the need to maintain contact as friends - unless of course, they make the effort but still, I do not see the point."
Scary, isn't it? And we were only 18 or 19 years old then. But there are really such people around, and still surviving well. In fact, perhaps, much better than you and me. It dun really hurt them that much, particularly when they belong to the good-looking-and-know-they are-attractive type. Morons just swarm around them.
I steered far away from this "friend" ever since.
***
Am feeling a bit messy up there again. Today, Butter mentioned something to me in a by-the-way tone and then, we were at the topic again. And the conversation made me tear again. Shucks. I guessed it's the feeling of wanting to do a lot of things but I absolutely have no idea how to go about doing it or reaching out to people -- which may sound pretty ironic.
This also again, reminded me of my silly nightmare, some time ago, of everyone forsaking and ignoring me when I called out to them. Or the nightmare about my teeth being crushed - to which I did an Internet search - which some sources denoted that such nightmare usually signifies that one is very afraid of losing some thing one cherishes very much, yet refusing to admit it.
And then, just the other day, for some reason, Butter mentioned about reaching mid-life and having achieved nothing yet. Now, I think I finally kind of understand why some people are always asking what's their purpose in life? What are they doing here?
It's scary. Time flashes past quickly. It's kinda sad that when you look back, you can't name anything or any achievements, big or small, that you are really proud of.
***
I also feel kinda silly, and a bit weird, for including some other people - apart from my family and really close buddies whom I hold close to my heart - in my prayers - particularly for good health and safety.
Silly because I've been really diligent and sincere about it. Weird because, I'm ashamed to admit, that I think I am even more diligent and sincere now than before.
But I still include them anyway, cos it is something that has been nagging somewhere in my head, no matter how hard I try to be nonchalent about it.
I really hope all's well.
***
A friend recently put down everything at hand immediately and bought an air ticket to New York to visit someone whom she holds very close to her heart. He is suffering from a relapse and is seeking medical treatment there. He told her his condition is critical and he's not really sure whether he can survive this crisis.
Her reactions to his calls reminded me of my brief irrational moments during a company trip at Ho Chi Minh when I received some bad news too. At that moment, I just wanted to immediately fly back to Singapore. If not for my parents who were with me, and I did not want to alarm them, and of course, my call to Butter who calmed me down, I sometimes, wonder if I would have made arrangements to fly back there and then.
So now, I guessed I could understand how my friend feels. She just want to be by his side, and just to be there, even though she knows she can offer little help to alleviate his agony.
I hope he's also on his way to recovery.
Honestly, I admire this friend's courage. I'm not sure if I would have the same courage if, touch wood, I were to be caught in a same situation -- especially when I'm still not even sure if he holds me dear to his heart as I do.
I mean, her actions should say a lot to the guy but what if it has, all along, been one-sided? Wouldn't her sudden appearance (she did not tell him that she's flying over) be a shock, rather than a surprise, and create awkward moments? He can't not entertain you because you flew all the way there. But if the feeling was not mutual, it's just sad. More than sad.
Then again, I'm just the same old pessimistic me. I read somewhere too, that sometimes, love needs some impulse. You can't think and consider too much because love doesn't wait. I totally agree with that too. And so, I was all for my friend flying over. I don't want her to live in regrets, if anything unfortunate should happen.
The last conversation I had with this friend before she left for New York was that she told me to really cherish those I love. All things happen for a reason. People act in certain ways because something has happened and he/she might not want to let you know cos he/she is not in a clear state of mind yet or he/she might really be caught up with very important or life-and death matters or what... I need to be more understanding and stop my paranoia. And that I should not try to analyse or see things in my usual cynical and pessimistic way.
Which makes me remember a book I came across at my Regional Director's desk two days ago when I was in office at 5.20 am... "Whatever you think, think the opposite." That's a book for being creative and thinking out of the box. I shared this with my designer and he said it's true. I should try. But he added, another way is - whatever you think, if you can't think the opposite way, then exaggerate it! Hmmm...
***
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Still 发花痴-ing...
Today, amid the rush to memorise my script and to finish my work for the day, I heard two of my colleagues let out a scream and then came over to my side and one of them went, "You saw 林峰 up close & personal again ya?!"
Bla bla bla... bla bla bla... (ya ya.. I actually put down my work for that five minutes to gush abt how cute and handsome 林峰 is, and showed them the photos... All these when I'm so pressed for time today some more! Kaoz.. priorities seemed all wrong.. but well, cos it's 林峰, so what's five minutes? oops...)
And hence, I hereby announce I am starting my 发花痴-ing all over again... Shucks!
Awww... ~ cute!
**Credits to Fung Forever **
Bla bla bla... bla bla bla... (ya ya.. I actually put down my work for that five minutes to gush abt how cute and handsome 林峰 is, and showed them the photos... All these when I'm so pressed for time today some more! Kaoz.. priorities seemed all wrong.. but well, cos it's 林峰, so what's five minutes? oops...)
And hence, I hereby announce I am starting my 发花痴-ing all over again... Shucks!
Awww... ~ cute!
**Credits to Fung Forever **
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Bubbs went star gazing… and got star-struck again! Awwww…
I love my pals. They almost immediately agreed when I asked them to accompany me to go star gazing – though they weren’t exactly very gaga over 林峰.
Granted Butter forgot her event was at Jurong Point – where 峰’s autograph session was held… And when she finally remembered, she went “shucks!!” But she already bought her tics to KL so… but before she left Jurong Point, she called and said again she wished she could join us, and I knew she meant it! =)
And thus, Bloss took up the big task of accompanying me to go star-gazing.
Really appreciated it cos I knew it took her quite an effort wor – considering she had to sacrifice her afternoon and evening to stand for more than four hours with me, without dinner some more – and also, she had to read the map and drive all the way from Sengkang to Boon Lay wor!
The autograph session backdrop
What's worth mentioning was Butter mms me the backdrop early in the morn, with the msg "make you gian 1st! hahah"...
峰was late. His autograph session was supposed to start at 730 pm but he made his appearance only at 8 pm thereabouts. And we just stood there, squeezing with the crowd from 5 plus all the way to 8 plus… On heels some more wor.. tiring…
Throughout the session, Bloss suggested more than once to me to join the autograph queue, or even “bribed” someone to let me cut queue, but I kept hesitating – partly cos the queue was so damn long all the way to the old JP entrance and got loops some more leh, and partly, cos I was very “shy” to join the queue.
Well, I’m always like that when it comes to stars gazing.
I am such a sucker for HK TVB stars (think even my colleagues could attest to this when they witnessed how I suddenly perked up and ran amok around our hotel to search where the TVB crew was when we spotted a TVB van near our hotel – and that was when I was literally dragging my feet and complaining of wanting to return to hotel asap, just minutes prior to spotting the van)… But if you ask me to go “chase” after them or join queue to get their stuff or autograph, what have you, I would immediately become a coward and hesitate – cos I would think “aiyoh… how old liao?… still can behave like teenager …Grow up!”
And so – for the record, during the HK trip, we finally found the TVB crew.. was some 2nd or 3rd grade actor and actress, and I “manja-ed” my colleague to go take photographs for me! Hahhaa.. See?
Anyway, I digress.
Back to my 峰 autograph session today. I was lucky to have Bloss with me – cos when the emcees announced that 峰 and his manager had agreed to extend the autograph session, she asked me again whether I wanted to check the queue out.
Again, I hesitated.
Then I think she buay tahan my wishy-washiness and said, “I’ll go check it out.” And so, I just followed her…
And lo and behold, the queue was short by then, so we immediately joined the queue… And before we knew it, the security guard came to seal off the queue entrance.
But while we were nearing the stage, one of the security guards told us that we would most probably not get his autograph cos they had received instructions to stop at a guy who was wearing black or dark blue shirt in front of us.
And guess what? Bloss actually manja-ed/reasoned to the security guard and asked him to help “bargain” and “negotiate” with the organisers to just continue and “finish the queue”, since there were only the few of us left behind that guy…
And presto! We did finally squeeze in and were among the last five to get his autograph! Woo hoo!!
Bloss’ the best! I wouldn’t have gotten his autograph nor see him so up close and personal again (since the MS day)….
Awww… up close and personal with 峰 again… He’s so 帅 lor… His cute dimples, “electrifying” eyes and shy smile… And did I mention his skin’s macham so flawless too! **meltz**
And best of all, he made an effort to look up and smiled and nodded to all those who went up on stage to get his autograph. **meltz once more**
And this Bloss actually went “谢谢你，辛苦你了!” Wah… He din look up though, when she said that. He just concentrated on signing the poster… but he did look and smile at Bloss thereafter.
And when it was my turn, I just stared so hard at him and how he signed the poster and when he was done and looked up to smile and nod at me, I just managed to mutter a soft “谢谢你”… oh man, how creative…
Anyway, the best had yet to come… after we got his autograph, we just stood at a distance, away from the stage, at the JP entrance just to see how the event was going to end…
And surprise! The route of his “escape” was exactly where me and bloss were standing… ie, he actually walked past us to get to the car park!!!
Amid the pushing of the rest to try to catch a last glimpse, I thought I let out a scream (of his name), and he actually turned, gave his signature dimpled smile and waved bye!
Awww… I’m sold.
At JP, 12 July 2009
At MS, 27 Nov 2008...
Granted Butter forgot her event was at Jurong Point – where 峰’s autograph session was held… And when she finally remembered, she went “shucks!!” But she already bought her tics to KL so… but before she left Jurong Point, she called and said again she wished she could join us, and I knew she meant it! =)
And thus, Bloss took up the big task of accompanying me to go star-gazing.
Really appreciated it cos I knew it took her quite an effort wor – considering she had to sacrifice her afternoon and evening to stand for more than four hours with me, without dinner some more – and also, she had to read the map and drive all the way from Sengkang to Boon Lay wor!
The autograph session backdrop
What's worth mentioning was Butter mms me the backdrop early in the morn, with the msg "make you gian 1st! hahah"...
峰was late. His autograph session was supposed to start at 730 pm but he made his appearance only at 8 pm thereabouts. And we just stood there, squeezing with the crowd from 5 plus all the way to 8 plus… On heels some more wor.. tiring…
Throughout the session, Bloss suggested more than once to me to join the autograph queue, or even “bribed” someone to let me cut queue, but I kept hesitating – partly cos the queue was so damn long all the way to the old JP entrance and got loops some more leh, and partly, cos I was very “shy” to join the queue.
Well, I’m always like that when it comes to stars gazing.
I am such a sucker for HK TVB stars (think even my colleagues could attest to this when they witnessed how I suddenly perked up and ran amok around our hotel to search where the TVB crew was when we spotted a TVB van near our hotel – and that was when I was literally dragging my feet and complaining of wanting to return to hotel asap, just minutes prior to spotting the van)… But if you ask me to go “chase” after them or join queue to get their stuff or autograph, what have you, I would immediately become a coward and hesitate – cos I would think “aiyoh… how old liao?… still can behave like teenager …Grow up!”
And so – for the record, during the HK trip, we finally found the TVB crew.. was some 2nd or 3rd grade actor and actress, and I “manja-ed” my colleague to go take photographs for me! Hahhaa.. See?
Anyway, I digress.
Back to my 峰 autograph session today. I was lucky to have Bloss with me – cos when the emcees announced that 峰 and his manager had agreed to extend the autograph session, she asked me again whether I wanted to check the queue out.
Again, I hesitated.
Then I think she buay tahan my wishy-washiness and said, “I’ll go check it out.” And so, I just followed her…
And lo and behold, the queue was short by then, so we immediately joined the queue… And before we knew it, the security guard came to seal off the queue entrance.
But while we were nearing the stage, one of the security guards told us that we would most probably not get his autograph cos they had received instructions to stop at a guy who was wearing black or dark blue shirt in front of us.
And guess what? Bloss actually manja-ed/reasoned to the security guard and asked him to help “bargain” and “negotiate” with the organisers to just continue and “finish the queue”, since there were only the few of us left behind that guy…
And presto! We did finally squeeze in and were among the last five to get his autograph! Woo hoo!!
Bloss’ the best! I wouldn’t have gotten his autograph nor see him so up close and personal again (since the MS day)….
Awww… up close and personal with 峰 again… He’s so 帅 lor… His cute dimples, “electrifying” eyes and shy smile… And did I mention his skin’s macham so flawless too! **meltz**
And best of all, he made an effort to look up and smiled and nodded to all those who went up on stage to get his autograph. **meltz once more**
And this Bloss actually went “谢谢你，辛苦你了!” Wah… He din look up though, when she said that. He just concentrated on signing the poster… but he did look and smile at Bloss thereafter.
And when it was my turn, I just stared so hard at him and how he signed the poster and when he was done and looked up to smile and nod at me, I just managed to mutter a soft “谢谢你”… oh man, how creative…
Anyway, the best had yet to come… after we got his autograph, we just stood at a distance, away from the stage, at the JP entrance just to see how the event was going to end…
And surprise! The route of his “escape” was exactly where me and bloss were standing… ie, he actually walked past us to get to the car park!!!
Amid the pushing of the rest to try to catch a last glimpse, I thought I let out a scream (of his name), and he actually turned, gave his signature dimpled smile and waved bye!
Awww… I’m sold.
At JP, 12 July 2009
At MS, 27 Nov 2008...
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
我比想象中爱你 & some random ramblings...
A very soothing song (I feel la) which I accidentally came across while doing some aimless surfing... quite like the melody, which could seemingly transport me to times when the days seem to be more carefree... Dunno why - I actually think of ... 林青霞 and Qing Han! The 1980's!
***
I've frens asking me why I havent been blogging lately... Honestly, I dunno. I dunno what to blog. No inspiration to write. I guess I'm just living each day as it is. So there's nothing spectacular/peculiar/what have you to blog about, I guess.
I'm sick of always blogging about how lost or sad or miserable I am or how much I miss so and so. Paul once said we shld try to always blog about happy things. Record happy things, instead of sad. And I read somewhere, the article said the same thing too... And by blogging happier incidents, sooner or later, you will become a happier person too...
***
Just had the mid-year review which some of you might have known and knew how uptight, tense and nervous I was prior to my review. Weird - the review turned out to be better than I expected. Boss said she could see my old self coming back and that my soul seems to be back at work for the past half year, though she adds that she noes I dun seem to be at my peak yet, and she's looking forward to that. But of course, I still have to think of how to fulfil my four major objectives - which, erm... none of it has been fulfilled yet! Darn...
Nonetheless, her comments came as a surprise, because I feel I am still behaving like an aimless zombie at work, living in my own world, fretting over personal problems.
***
Told butter I am consciously making an effort to re-arrange my whole life all over again. And though she claims that my conscious efforts dun gel with my thoughts, at least I know i am taking baby steps to try. It's very difficult but I'm trying. I consider more than twice now before I feel or think I wan do something - which, I dunno if being too rational and conscientiously allowing my head to take over my heart is a good or bad thing. But at least, I know I am slowly getting back in control of my life. Then again, I dunno how long this "rationality" can last. But we'll see.
There are still many things (and his things) lying around in my room, and even my HP and MP3 and some of the stuff I use on a daily basis, which cruelly serve as reminders.
But I guess, again, rationality is the way to go. I used to be able to do it. So I'm sure I can do it again. :)
***
And "horrors of all horrors", I just realised two nights ago - when J asked me about my previous embdedded song -- that he has been randomly reading my blog! Oh well... but i've nothing to hide from you anyway. Stalker! =p But i'm glad to chat with him again, though he always ends up making me feeling stressed by asking me serious questions like "where do i think my career is heading?", and "have I ever seriously thought of how to increase my $$", and "where do i think i stand among my uni-mates in terms of career advancement, $$, etc"... Bleah!
***
I've frens asking me why I havent been blogging lately... Honestly, I dunno. I dunno what to blog. No inspiration to write. I guess I'm just living each day as it is. So there's nothing spectacular/peculiar/what have you to blog about, I guess.
I'm sick of always blogging about how lost or sad or miserable I am or how much I miss so and so. Paul once said we shld try to always blog about happy things. Record happy things, instead of sad. And I read somewhere, the article said the same thing too... And by blogging happier incidents, sooner or later, you will become a happier person too...
***
Just had the mid-year review which some of you might have known and knew how uptight, tense and nervous I was prior to my review. Weird - the review turned out to be better than I expected. Boss said she could see my old self coming back and that my soul seems to be back at work for the past half year, though she adds that she noes I dun seem to be at my peak yet, and she's looking forward to that. But of course, I still have to think of how to fulfil my four major objectives - which, erm... none of it has been fulfilled yet! Darn...
Nonetheless, her comments came as a surprise, because I feel I am still behaving like an aimless zombie at work, living in my own world, fretting over personal problems.
***
Told butter I am consciously making an effort to re-arrange my whole life all over again. And though she claims that my conscious efforts dun gel with my thoughts, at least I know i am taking baby steps to try. It's very difficult but I'm trying. I consider more than twice now before I feel or think I wan do something - which, I dunno if being too rational and conscientiously allowing my head to take over my heart is a good or bad thing. But at least, I know I am slowly getting back in control of my life. Then again, I dunno how long this "rationality" can last. But we'll see.
There are still many things (and his things) lying around in my room, and even my HP and MP3 and some of the stuff I use on a daily basis, which cruelly serve as reminders.
But I guess, again, rationality is the way to go. I used to be able to do it. So I'm sure I can do it again. :)
***
And "horrors of all horrors", I just realised two nights ago - when J asked me about my previous embdedded song -- that he has been randomly reading my blog! Oh well... but i've nothing to hide from you anyway. Stalker! =p But i'm glad to chat with him again, though he always ends up making me feeling stressed by asking me serious questions like "where do i think my career is heading?", and "have I ever seriously thought of how to increase my $$", and "where do i think i stand among my uni-mates in terms of career advancement, $$, etc"... Bleah!