Bloss insisted that I have serious communication problems – that I am lousy at communicating.
“Maybe that’s why you always have problems with your vendors.”
Ouch. That hurts.
But she’s my good old pal and so, I reckon there must be some truth in it… And so, I decide to do some quiet reflection.
It all started because I was supposed to make reservations for dinner for all seven of us in the evening.
At 10:14am, I sent the following sms to Bloss and Butter:
Bubbs: “Morn, gals! In case you start chasing me, I’ll make reservations at XXX at 7? Bloss, we may need you to pick us up from town or wat, OK? Confirm later. Will sms u after I make reservations after my lessons.”
At 10:20am,
A series of SMS exchange between me and Butter… But I DID NOT receive any sms from Bloss the entire morning and early afternoon…
At 3:19 pm after I called the restaurant and realised that they have only two time slots for dinner reservations – either 5.30 pm or 8.00 pm… (I made reservations for 8.00pm.)
Bubbs: Meet at entrance of XXX at 730 pm. Bloss, can u pick us up from town? Paul’s joining us too.
At 3:20 pm,
Bloss: Orchard MRT. 630.
Bubbs: OK. I’ll let Butter noe.
At 3:22 pm,
Bubbs: Wait. 630? So early for wat? Tables only avail between 745 n 8 lei. Cos they divide into 2 slots. Either 530 or 8 slot. Say 710 at Orchard MRT.
At 3:24pm,
Bloss: I thought you said dinner reservation made for 7pm.
At 3:29 pm,
Bubbs: U din read my 2nd sms ya? 730 pm. For dinner, they have 2 slots only. 530 or 8.
At 3:31pm,
Bloss: I did. I meant when you sent the sms this morning to say reservation made for 7 pm, pple will usu understand tat to mean dinner starts at 7. That’s why I said pick you gals at 630.
At 3:33 pm,
Bubbs: Tat was morn before I made reservations mah. How I noe they got the silly 2 round thing? Then can’t get earlier cos butter got “appt” mah.
At 3:34 pm,
Bloss: Watever. 710 then.
The 2nd miscommunication came about when I did not inform Bloss I would not be taking her car to the dinner place with Butter. I only told Butter that I would not be joining her to take Bloss’ car because I would be taking someone else’s.
(OK – to which I admitted it’s my oversight - I should have dropped a sms to inform Bloss – but at that point in time, I thought it was unnecessary since Butter would have told her anyway…) And so, a series of SMSes again…
***
Bloss: Butter said you will be taking David’s car and not meeting us first, right?
Bubbs: Yes, OK right?
Bloss: OK. Just wanted to confirm because from your sms in the morning, it sounded like you are taking my car too.
Bubbs: I was planning to. But he offered and since I do not have to travel down all the way down to town…
***
Well… I admitted I should have told the one driving (and not the passenger) that I would not be taking a ride from her… but for the dinner reservations… can someone please tell me where did I go wrong in causing so much confusion?
Sigh…
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
The House Test...
What the House Test Says About You |
 You consider yourself important, but no more important than anyone else. You love attention, but you don't feel like you deserve more of it than anyone else. Bubbs: So do I consider myself important or not? **blur** You aren't against being community oriented, but it's not really your thing. You tend to prefer to focus on your family and not the neighborhood around you. You are a playful, charming, and seductive person. People feel instantly close to you. You take good care of your physical appearance. You dress well, stay in shape, and do your best to look great. You are moved by romance and love. You are optimistic about people, and you love hearing about happy endings. Bubbs: ya - but why am I not hearing any happy endings? |
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Learning to breathe… All over again…
It’s not the first time Cheryl asked me to slow down my walking pace and learn to relax…
She said it to me again yesterday, “Can you not walk so fast? It’s the weekend… Chill… Slow down…”
Even one of my tuition students also asks me to learn to chill -- when she got me all worked up with some mistakes she repeated time and time again…
I don’t know… I am someone who gets uptight very easily, and also get flustered very easily, even by little things – which I know, it’s seriously not good. Not good for my mental, emo and overall well-being…
I guess it’s finally taking a toll on me… Have you experienced before – that a lot of things seem to be running through your mind; yet at the same time, your mind seems blank too?
Honestly, I’m not feeling OK at all.
It scares me that I can sometimes just suddenly break down. It even happened a few times in the office – and when two colleagues who saw my teary eyes, expressed concerns, I didn’t even know what and how to tell them…
The thing is – I do not know why I am feeling depressed.
OK – I take that back. I think I know how it all started.
The thing is, when or even before I could snap out of it, another incident (which can be totally unrelated to the thing I was initially upset about) happened before I could fully recover from the previous one… and then, a string of things just happens one after another…
And so, everything just snowballs, adds up… until I don’t even know what and how to think, what to worry, what and how to solve, what and how to snap out of…
And this stupid negative vibe has been around me for damn long that I’m actually beginning to miss my own laughter, my own “bubbliness”, etc….
And it's damn tough trying to act normal in front of colleagues and friends who you are not so close to - so that they would not sense something's wrong and flood you with questions you may not even know how to answer.
Work hasn’t been exactly very smooth or pleasant for the past week either.
Boss asked me to go into a meeting room one morning and said “We need to talk.”
The tone was serious, and when I heard that, I did not have a very good feel about it.
She addressed something which I had done the week before. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have done what I did, and if I wanted to do it, I should have asked her first… But, at that point in time when I did it, I honestly did not think that it was as serious as how she had put it across to me – because I actually knew many people doing such things…
Anyway, the bottomline was she was very unhappy and displeased with my action/behaviour. Her harsh words during the discussion still rang in my mind…
Although she tried to end the conversation with somewhat a softer touch later with “I’ve actually thought about this over the weekend – whether I should turn a blind eye to it or if I should address it with you. But I thought I should have a word with you; otherwise, it would mean I am condoning your behaviour.
Anyway, I’ve decided to let this incident pass. Case closed and let’s move on.”, somehow, that discussion had put a strain on our working relationship. I don’t know about her, but I feel very awkward each time I have to face her now.
Throughout the week, things seemed to be as per normal.. until I saw a nasty email from her later part of the week – asking me why I did not do some routine menial tasks… When I saw her email first thing in the morning when I got to work, I found myself fuming… There were, of course, legitimate reasons why I did not get around doing some menial tasks…
Right, granted – in retrospect, I should have informed her that I did not get around doing some routine menial tasks. But I just wonder if it really warranted such a harsh email. Besides, these tasks would not endanger any progress in any projects…
And I especially hate it when she ended the email with sarcasm – “Let me know if you are having problems coping with your current workload.”
Come on, she and I both knew my to-do’s list. And she and I both knew that I am not as busy as previous weeks. And if I could complete these menial tasks during the busy weeks, there's no reason why I could not do it when I'm supposed to have a bit more leisure time on hand. So, why end with that sarcasm?
And we are talking about routine menial tasks here, which I’ve been doing for the past one year plus; and not some major thingie that would leave me working in office till wee hours or even some stuff which would delay her plans/work or wat... What the Y#&*$^(#^%^%#W..
She obviously doubts my capabilities now, isn’t it?
And so, I could not help but link the discussion early in the week and the email later in the week together. It seems that it was not “Case closed” afterall. Isn’t it? She’s starting to nitpick on me, isn’t it?
Now, I have become paranoid and check my work email many times over the weekend – in case I received some shocking or upsetting emails from her again.
I really dread going back to work tomorrow…
Isn’t this year supposed to be a good year for Goats?
Why, then, is everything so not smooth-sailing?
She said it to me again yesterday, “Can you not walk so fast? It’s the weekend… Chill… Slow down…”
Even one of my tuition students also asks me to learn to chill -- when she got me all worked up with some mistakes she repeated time and time again…
I don’t know… I am someone who gets uptight very easily, and also get flustered very easily, even by little things – which I know, it’s seriously not good. Not good for my mental, emo and overall well-being…
I guess it’s finally taking a toll on me… Have you experienced before – that a lot of things seem to be running through your mind; yet at the same time, your mind seems blank too?
Honestly, I’m not feeling OK at all.
It scares me that I can sometimes just suddenly break down. It even happened a few times in the office – and when two colleagues who saw my teary eyes, expressed concerns, I didn’t even know what and how to tell them…
The thing is – I do not know why I am feeling depressed.
OK – I take that back. I think I know how it all started.
The thing is, when or even before I could snap out of it, another incident (which can be totally unrelated to the thing I was initially upset about) happened before I could fully recover from the previous one… and then, a string of things just happens one after another…
And so, everything just snowballs, adds up… until I don’t even know what and how to think, what to worry, what and how to solve, what and how to snap out of…
And this stupid negative vibe has been around me for damn long that I’m actually beginning to miss my own laughter, my own “bubbliness”, etc….
And it's damn tough trying to act normal in front of colleagues and friends who you are not so close to - so that they would not sense something's wrong and flood you with questions you may not even know how to answer.
Work hasn’t been exactly very smooth or pleasant for the past week either.
Boss asked me to go into a meeting room one morning and said “We need to talk.”
The tone was serious, and when I heard that, I did not have a very good feel about it.
She addressed something which I had done the week before. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have done what I did, and if I wanted to do it, I should have asked her first… But, at that point in time when I did it, I honestly did not think that it was as serious as how she had put it across to me – because I actually knew many people doing such things…
Anyway, the bottomline was she was very unhappy and displeased with my action/behaviour. Her harsh words during the discussion still rang in my mind…
Although she tried to end the conversation with somewhat a softer touch later with “I’ve actually thought about this over the weekend – whether I should turn a blind eye to it or if I should address it with you. But I thought I should have a word with you; otherwise, it would mean I am condoning your behaviour.
Anyway, I’ve decided to let this incident pass. Case closed and let’s move on.”, somehow, that discussion had put a strain on our working relationship. I don’t know about her, but I feel very awkward each time I have to face her now.
Throughout the week, things seemed to be as per normal.. until I saw a nasty email from her later part of the week – asking me why I did not do some routine menial tasks… When I saw her email first thing in the morning when I got to work, I found myself fuming… There were, of course, legitimate reasons why I did not get around doing some menial tasks…
Right, granted – in retrospect, I should have informed her that I did not get around doing some routine menial tasks. But I just wonder if it really warranted such a harsh email. Besides, these tasks would not endanger any progress in any projects…
And I especially hate it when she ended the email with sarcasm – “Let me know if you are having problems coping with your current workload.”
Come on, she and I both knew my to-do’s list. And she and I both knew that I am not as busy as previous weeks. And if I could complete these menial tasks during the busy weeks, there's no reason why I could not do it when I'm supposed to have a bit more leisure time on hand. So, why end with that sarcasm?
And we are talking about routine menial tasks here, which I’ve been doing for the past one year plus; and not some major thingie that would leave me working in office till wee hours or even some stuff which would delay her plans/work or wat... What the Y#&*$^(#^%^%#W..
She obviously doubts my capabilities now, isn’t it?
And so, I could not help but link the discussion early in the week and the email later in the week together. It seems that it was not “Case closed” afterall. Isn’t it? She’s starting to nitpick on me, isn’t it?
Now, I have become paranoid and check my work email many times over the weekend – in case I received some shocking or upsetting emails from her again.
I really dread going back to work tomorrow…
Isn’t this year supposed to be a good year for Goats?
Why, then, is everything so not smooth-sailing?
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Have You Ever…?
Have you ever gone to work every morning, all fresh and ready to start working on your to-do list… BUT keep getting interruptions and attending to other people’s “URGENT” requests throughout the day – and before you realised the time, your colleagues are already waving goodbye and leaving for the day?
And poor you, you are still stuck at your desk, with your initial to-do list from the morning, with NONE of the items struck off…
And every of your own to-do’s are on hard deadlines as well?
*** ***
Have you ever agreed to meeting someone, when you actually don’t really feel like meeting, and then start to curse and swear at yourself for agreeing?
OR
Have you ever made a MAJOR purchase which you immediately regret the moment you step out of the shop and wonder if you were being hypnotized by the salesperson, and again, start to curse and swear at yourself?
*** ***
Have you ever tried being in a happy discussion such as planning a friend’s wedding, while, at the same time, also on the line trying hard to calm a friend down, who was crying her heart out because she could not understand why her boyfriend brushed her off – at a time when she thought she needed him most?
It’s scary.
It’s VERY hurting.
Who could you trust anymore? When the person whom you thought you could trust your life and happiness with, leave you stranded and feeling helpless… And you actually have to turn to other people for help…
The irony?
When you explained why you were upset in your calmest voice and tone, he blew his top at you…
The result?
You ended up apologizing to him instead…
*** ***
Have you ever tried re-scheduling all your appointments, not to mention you already have a very jam-packed calendar, or put down whatever important tasks you are currently doing, or sacrificing your much-needed sleep – just so you can spend a couple of hours with that special someone?
The irony?
He/she doesn’t know that he/she has messed up your schedule BIG time.
But does he/she need to know?
No.
Why?
Because you did it willingly. And you are happy to do it. And if we were to turn back the clock, you would still do the same thing all over again.
What do you call this behaviour?
Some call it love. Some call it silliness.
What do I say? I don’t know… ….
And poor you, you are still stuck at your desk, with your initial to-do list from the morning, with NONE of the items struck off…
And every of your own to-do’s are on hard deadlines as well?
*** ***
Have you ever agreed to meeting someone, when you actually don’t really feel like meeting, and then start to curse and swear at yourself for agreeing?
OR
Have you ever made a MAJOR purchase which you immediately regret the moment you step out of the shop and wonder if you were being hypnotized by the salesperson, and again, start to curse and swear at yourself?
*** ***
Have you ever tried being in a happy discussion such as planning a friend’s wedding, while, at the same time, also on the line trying hard to calm a friend down, who was crying her heart out because she could not understand why her boyfriend brushed her off – at a time when she thought she needed him most?
It’s scary.
It’s VERY hurting.
Who could you trust anymore? When the person whom you thought you could trust your life and happiness with, leave you stranded and feeling helpless… And you actually have to turn to other people for help…
The irony?
When you explained why you were upset in your calmest voice and tone, he blew his top at you…
The result?
You ended up apologizing to him instead…
*** ***
Have you ever tried re-scheduling all your appointments, not to mention you already have a very jam-packed calendar, or put down whatever important tasks you are currently doing, or sacrificing your much-needed sleep – just so you can spend a couple of hours with that special someone?
The irony?
He/she doesn’t know that he/she has messed up your schedule BIG time.
But does he/she need to know?
No.
Why?
Because you did it willingly. And you are happy to do it. And if we were to turn back the clock, you would still do the same thing all over again.
What do you call this behaviour?
Some call it love. Some call it silliness.
What do I say? I don’t know… ….
Sunday, May 18, 2008
人往往都是输给自己，而女人的敌人其实常常是自己。。。
有些事情想起来可以很甜美，也可以很可怕。。。
例如，当你发现你的情绪 ── 所有高低起伏的波动 ── 都一直是被某个人所牵动着。。。
最近不知怎么的，也许是因为刚摔了一（两）跤 （不只摔坏了胸部，也摔坏了理智）； 又或者是因为刚生了一场大病； 也有可能是每个月的身理期，情绪很低弱， 起伏不定。。。
低弱的可怕度有一点不可思议，连自己也吓一跳。
本来也不把它当一回事；只是很努力， 很努力地一厢情愿以为不去理会或整理我的思绪，我就会没事。。。
但当身边的同事和朋友都来慰问我时，我才发现我只是自欺欺人。
原来，我根本就不知怎么去掩饰我的不愉快。
有人说我变沉默了许多， 也很容易发脾气。
有人说我似乎人在，心不在。
有人说就算我有说有笑，但脸上似乎总有个很悲，很伤感的表情。
甚至连我老妈都说最近我好像很不快乐，心事重重； 问我是不是工作很不顺利， 又或者和老板起争执？
说真的，我也不晓得我是怎么了。。。
我只知道我想见的人，我见不到。我想听的声音，我听不到。
我不想见的人，就一直出现在我眼前绕来绕去，阴魂不散； 我不想听到的声音，就一直在我耳朵边嗡嗡叫。
我也只知道。。。 我不想回答一些我自己也不知道答案的问题；也不想听朋友唠叨我应该去正式面对某某问题。
我更想知道。。。为什么我每次下定决心要弃权，在那重要关键的一秒时，就会接到你的电话？顿时，你又再次把我原以为收拾好的残局和思绪又弄成一团糟，越是想收拾，越是缠在一起。。。
真的好想放个长长的假。 到外头走走，吸吸新鲜的空气，看看外头, 发现原来世界这么大时，人也许会轻松多，开朗多，精神也许会好很多。。。
例如，当你发现你的情绪 ── 所有高低起伏的波动 ── 都一直是被某个人所牵动着。。。
最近不知怎么的，也许是因为刚摔了一（两）跤 （不只摔坏了胸部，也摔坏了理智）； 又或者是因为刚生了一场大病； 也有可能是每个月的身理期，情绪很低弱， 起伏不定。。。
低弱的可怕度有一点不可思议，连自己也吓一跳。
本来也不把它当一回事；只是很努力， 很努力地一厢情愿以为不去理会或整理我的思绪，我就会没事。。。
但当身边的同事和朋友都来慰问我时，我才发现我只是自欺欺人。
原来，我根本就不知怎么去掩饰我的不愉快。
有人说我变沉默了许多， 也很容易发脾气。
有人说我似乎人在，心不在。
有人说就算我有说有笑，但脸上似乎总有个很悲，很伤感的表情。
甚至连我老妈都说最近我好像很不快乐，心事重重； 问我是不是工作很不顺利， 又或者和老板起争执？
说真的，我也不晓得我是怎么了。。。
我只知道我想见的人，我见不到。我想听的声音，我听不到。
我不想见的人，就一直出现在我眼前绕来绕去，阴魂不散； 我不想听到的声音，就一直在我耳朵边嗡嗡叫。
我也只知道。。。 我不想回答一些我自己也不知道答案的问题；也不想听朋友唠叨我应该去正式面对某某问题。
我更想知道。。。为什么我每次下定决心要弃权，在那重要关键的一秒时，就会接到你的电话？顿时，你又再次把我原以为收拾好的残局和思绪又弄成一团糟，越是想收拾，越是缠在一起。。。
真的好想放个长长的假。 到外头走走，吸吸新鲜的空气，看看外头, 发现原来世界这么大时，人也许会轻松多，开朗多，精神也许会好很多。。。