Sunday, August 23, 2009

A very incoherent entry...

I would most probably be “stoned to death” by my friends for entertaining this WEIRD thought and even have the audacity penning this down in record… but I shall naively assume that all my friends, especially those close ones, are mature enough to understand that individuals are entitled to their own random thoughts and opinions, etc, regardless of how weird or boh-liao they are…

Had dinner with Nancy last night, and when she asked me casually what I’ve been busy with for the past month or so…

Me: The usual.. but I’ve been feeling very tired for the longest time, and having the nagging feeling that I haven’t had time for myself for a long long time… and I need that.

Nan: You keep going out with A & B? Meeting them weekly?

Me: No.

Nan: Then? Why no time for yourself? Why so busy? Or you keep meeting C? Or is it D? E, F or G?

And so, she started to list all the names I dropped during our past conversations (gosh.. she does have a good memory…) I perfectly understood that she meant well and expressing concern (which I do appreciate) when she tried to probe further; but on the other hand, I felt I was being interrogated. And part of me was wondering – why do I need to tell you who I’ve been frequently meeting or what?

Despite my repetitive “NO” answer, she, being her usual inquisitive self, did not really catch the subtle hint that I wanted her to stop probing there and then.

To prevent her from guessing further, I simply told her not to guess or ask anymore, cos I could not remember (which was true… , or at least, it’s not at the tip of my fingertips what I did for the past week or who I met.. and I’m not interested, and too lazy, to think, think, think just to satisfy her inquisitive appetite…)

But from this incident, something just suddenly got me thinking…

She could just start to list names of some of MY friends, regardless whether she really knows them or not… And she knows what I’ve been up to randomly, via some of my friends’ FB updates (who have also added her as friend. Or I dunno who add who..) And honestly, and dun ask me why, but for whatever reasons, I’m not exactly comfortable with that.

Take for example, she just went – You and Serene drove all of you up to Cameron?! You dare to drive?? Whose car did you drive? And all those questions just totally caught me off guard.

Not that I have anything to hide or what, but I did not have the intention of purposely sharing with my other friends that I’m drove up to Cameron with my sister pals…

Or rather, to put it in another clearer way, it just gave me a very unsettling feeling that when you did not share a piece of information of your life personally with someone, or via your own FB updates, and yet that someone knows – from another source.. and started questioning you about it..

What happened and where did that little space of privacy go to?

Which brings me to another point.

Nan is MY friend. A, B, C, D, E, F & G are MY friends. Nan met SOME of them only, the most, once or twice, through me.

And I shall assume that she dun even have A, B, C, D, E, F & G’s phone numbers, email addies, or even spoke more than 10 sentences with each other, what have you.

So, are A, B, C, D, E, F & G even considered friends of Nan’s?

And if not, why are they friends on FB and even have the time to go see/snoop around, looking at photos or updates of people you aren’t even close to?

No, don’t get me wrong.

I’m perfectly fine with them getting acquainted with one another and being friends on FB, and even upgraded the relationship from being just acquaintances to friends in real life, what have you.

But I honestly just find it “too effort” that people take the effort to go search online for other second-degree friends and request to be added – and the “weird” part is, the 2 may just be acquaintances for the longest time or hear each other names via me, and are not really friends to begin with…

It all just became a game of collecting names in your online account. And what’s the point in this?

And yet, the best part is, one could still go “kay poh” about an acquaintance’s life – via FB updates (notwithstanding the part if one is really into that person as a love interest or really want the person as a friend for whatever reasons)

And also, it just struck me that why is it that my friends know the names of my circle of other friends; yet, I don’t know my friends’ other circle of friends?

But, of course, I guessed partly, it might be me who did not make any effort to be interested and get to know my friends’ other circle of friends…

Hmm… now that I wrote to here, I also dunno what is the point I am trying to make here in the first place…

****

And to make things worse for myself…

Butter just msn-ed me excitedly with a “Hey babe!” and cos I was still trying hard to re-arrange my thots and figure the point I am trying to make here and phrase it more succinctly, I carelessly replied with a “?”…

To my total shock, she actually dismissed it off as a super unfriendly reply.. and then, her subsequent replies seemed angry and pissed – even after I tried to lighten the situation with “Orh, then I answer you now with a ‘hey babe!’”.

Her reply was “Next time you reply with a ‘?’, I’m not going to say anything anymore.”

HUH???

Honestly, if the images in the cartoons really exist, you could really see many question marks hanging above my head…

And when I explained that I was busy (without going into details) and asked her what’s up, she decided not to share with whatever she intended to share with me in the 1st place with a curt “nvm.”. “Nothing.” And finally, “”Go be bz then.”

And all because of a “Question mark”…

… …

****

On another note, I forgot how much I enjoy reading. Be it trash magazines, fiction stories, marketing journals, branding books, etc... Spent almost the whole afternoon at the national library last Saturday reading and totally loving it.

Love the reading. Love the time to me and myself, with no other distraction.

Apart from the fact that there was this stoopid guy who sat beside me, and somehow, slowly invaded into my sofa space with his bag, laptop and books. But I think my stern stare and irritated look sent the message loud and clear that he picked up his stuff and left.

Borrowed a branding book back home and could not put it down for the past few days. Read it on the train. Read it before I sleep these days... It's great.

I should do this more often... I really should.

***

This afternoon, for dunno-what reason, while shopping with my cousins, chit-chatting, happy and all, a very uneasy feeling suddenly hit me, out from nowhere, and I actually trembled for that split second. And the first thought that came to me was him.

I hope and pray things are alright.

It will be alright.

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